


Super Best Boyfriends

by flawlesshippings



Category: South Park
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Bad Decisions, Best Friends, Boys In Love, Break Up, Conflict, Crying, Cute, Depression, Drinking, Everyone Is Gay, F/M, Fighting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Heartache, Heartbreak, Hook-Up, How Do I Tag, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm Bad At Summaries, Internal Monologue, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, M/M, Mild Smut, Physical Abuse, Public Sex, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romantic Friendship, Sad with a Happy Ending, Song: Heather (Conan Gray), Worth Re-Reading, microcheating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:15:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 29,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27630562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flawlesshippings/pseuds/flawlesshippings
Summary: Senior Year, Kyle Broflovski never thought that it would be the year that his life turned upside down. Romance, friendships and even family matters drive the boys in South Park crazy! Can Kyle survive the year as his feelings towards his super best friend, Stan Marsh affect every aspect of his life?
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kyle Broflovski & Eric Cartman & Kenny McCormick & Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski/Clyde Donovan, Kyle Broflovski/Kenny McCormick, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, Randy Marsh/Sharon Marsh, Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger, Token Black & Clyde Donovan & Craig Tucker
Comments: 24
Kudos: 55





	1. I’m not gay man, that ain’t me

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated, enjoy.

KYLE

Do you sometimes get those moments where you just suddenly start falling in love with someone? It's not like you haven't seen them before, in fact you've been around them for years, but one day you're heart just starts beating for them, and you're mind just starts clogging up with silly thoughts of them, asking yourself if they would know or how they they would react if they did.

Well that's me, and the worse is I've fallen for my super best friend, Stan Marsh.

Oh and I'm Kyle by the way, if I haven't mentioned that or you couldn't take the hint. I have fiery red curls and even though Cartman's a fucking douche we still hang out together as a group with Kenny and of course, Stan. We have been hanging out since elementary school and as the years progressed, we still did till now, our senior year. Everyone stayed relatively the same.

I don't know when it started, but maybe it was that day at the bus stop. To be honest, there wasn't anything special about that day, the four of us were just casually waiting for the bus as we normally did, and of course, me and Cartman were fighting as we always do. But one thing was off about that day, I didn't know what then, but looking back I've come to realize what was.

When the bus arrived, we all got up. Kenny went up first, then Stan. He was in front of me climbing up the steps, the road was kind of slippery and I almost tripped over, but luckily Stan caught me just before I plummeted into the snow.

"Careful, dude. You're going to trip." His grip on me tighten as I tried to regain my balance, it was then I looked into those blue orbs of his. And what I saw was so breathtaking i couldn't describe it.

Was Stan's eyes always sparkling like this? Or was it just my imagination?

I felt my heart race, I'm not gay or anything. Sure, I haven't dated girls before and all, but I'm not gay. Or was I? I didn't know to be frank.

"Hurry up, Jew! You're taking up all the space!" Cartman's annoying, whiny complaints cut me off my trance, I shot back ,"Shut up, fatass!"

"I'm not fat, I'm big boned!" He argued but i was too focused to care about what he said, we all got up the bus and i sat beside Stan as I always have, but something felt so weird between us.

Maybe it was just me, but when did Stan look so cute? Was he always like this? And wow, red looks so hot on him.

"Is there something wrong with my face?" Stan questioned, I could feel my face heat up. I didn't notice I was staring at him that hard! I was so embarrassed.

"Uh, it's nothing. You look good today." OH MY GOD WHY DID I SAY THAT? That's so out of character for me. I was panicking but I had to hold a calm exterior.

"Oh..thanks? You look not bad yourself, dude." He smiled right back at me, I felt a blush painting itself on my face. I snapped my head to the view outside, trying to distract myself from his angelic smile.

I'm not gay, am I? I kept asking myself. 

Maybe I was, but only for Stan.

But why Stan? He was such a good friend of mine, that's just so weird and so gay! Well I'm kinda gay right now too.

"You guys want to come over, Friday? I bought a new video game,maybe we could have a small get together or something." Stan asked us as the bus continued moving down the rocky roads, "Yeah sure, but why not tomorrow?" Kenny asked through the hood of his parka.

"I've got football practice tomorrow." Football practice, huh? It would be a great chance to check him out and maybe test if I'm gay for him or just confused.

"Yeah whatever, Stan." Cartman replied as Kenny nodded with him.

"Sure I'll go. But one thing though, can I tag along to your house after practice?" I asked, Stan was obviously confused. Of course he would be, I hated practice with my guts, and I always skipped whenever I could. Stan, on the other hand was very disciplined and always went. I would always prefer being at home and laying around though.

"But you hate practice?" He asked.

"Well, I want to try for once." I lied but come one, who would pass the chance to see him play? He's so good and don't get me started on that body.

"Well, that's cool man! I'm sure coach would be happy. You'll do good." He ruffled my hair while smiling, making the butterflies in my stomach flutter more. Oh Gosh, it's just a normal gesture, stop overthinking it Kyle.

"Ew, do you guys want to get a room and make out?" Cartman slipped in another comment. The bus had arrived at our school and everyone got down.

"Shut the hell up, Cartman." He wasn't wrong but I couldn't admit that. We followed the crowd and passed through the waves of students. It was ten minutes before class and everyone was taking their books to their respective classrooms.

It was a damn busy day. I went to my locker and fished out my Physics textbook for first period. Physics was such a bore but I had not choice, it was early morning so it didn't help either. I just had to suck it up and go through it.

Stan leaned into my locker, holding his Algebra textbook, "So, meet you after third period?" We had some classes together but not all, third period was P.E and Stan being Stan, he chose that.

"Yeah sure dude." I blushed and I hurried my way to the classroom, I couldn't stand his eyes. They were so mesmerising, I just couldn't stare into them.

Oh my God, what have I become?

Eventually I got there and sat down at the right corner of the room, I didn't really have any close friends with me in this period so I just focused on the class. Yeah, even though I hated Physics, I still didn't want to flunk it. I wrote down all the notes and time just flew by in an instant, I couldn't say i was really focused because occasionally I still thought of Stan but I tried.

The bell rang and I hurried back to my locker and reached in for Maths, another dreaded subject of mine. But whatever, at least Tweek was there.

Tweek used to hang with us before he joined Craig's gang, he was nice and all but he fidgeted so much and was such a scaredy cat, we eventually ditched him. I was still close to him though, we still talk but not as often. 

"Hey, Tweek! Wanna go together?" I walked towards his locker, he was talking to his one and only, Craig of course. They stopped their conversation and Craig flipped me off, I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah sure. See you later babe." Tweek bid his goodbye and we headed off. On the way, we chatted a little as the classroom was on the other side of campus, and I brought up the topic of coming out.

“So...how did you know you were gay?” I slipped in the question casually, “Gah! Why are you asking that?” He fidgeted, sipping some coffee.

“Well...you know, I’m just making sure. Sometimes I have these thoughts, and I’m just checking.” It was a lame excuse and I really doubt he would take it, but surprising he bought it. 

“Well..I think it was Craig that made me realise that, I just felt something special.” Before I could ask what, we were already in front of our class and were forced to separate. I sat at the back, I didn’t really care for Math because the teacher, Mrs Smith. Let’s say, she as interesting as watching paint dry.

I managed to get through the period and headed to fetch my clothes for P.E, me and Tweek walked back to our block and parted ways. As I reached my locker to dig my gym clothes for the class, it didn’t seem like I could find anything.

I was panicking and kept trying to search, desperately hoping to feel the sensation of fabric on my fingers. But despite my best efforts, nothing had been found.

Sighing, I ought to just accept fate and face Mr Williams’ bitching, what a day...Mr Williams was one of those stern teachers, in a subject that promotes health and wellness, he really wasn’t the suitable candidate.

“Dude, what are you doing here? P.E is going to start soon, you don’t need me to tell you how bitchy Mr Williams is going to be if we’re late.” I feel a familiar pat on the shoulder, and I look back to see who it was.


	2. Sucks to be you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan comes to the rescue and helps poor Kyle out while he takes the punishment. Kyle is more than grateful and treats him to lunch. A certain someone prompts Kyle to follow him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hope you enjoy the story! Kudos and comments are appreciated <3

KYLE

“Oh hey, Stan.” Our eyes met and my heart was in my mouth, suddenly I couldn’t think properly. What was I worried about again? I couldn’t recall what, those eyes were truly too stunning for the world.

“Dude, where’s your shirt and stuff? Isn’t P.E next? Come on, we don’t want to be late.” Stan proceeded to drag me to the changing rooms but I stopped dead in my tracks.

“I forgot to bring mine.” I squeaked out, embarrassed. I didn’t want to drag him with me, so I persuaded him to go change while I walked to the gym alone.

“No way. Here, take mine.” He threw his garments at my face, I could smell his scent all over me. He smelled so nice, like fresh grass and wood. I blushed fiercely thinking about what a pervert I was being, thank God he wasn’t paying attention at me. “You hurt your ankle last week didn’t you?” I did, in fact it was because I tripped on some books that Ike left on the stairs and fell on my ass. 

While I was bathing in joy, I felt something wasn’t right.

Then it hit me, doesn’t he only have one of these?

“Stan! Don’t you only have one of the-“”It’s fine, take it. Hurry your ass and go change!” He hurried me, I swap outfits in an instant. 

Both of us came in late, everyone was already gathered around. The piercing sounds of our shoes rubbing against the smooth floor definitely wasn’t helping us sneaking into the crowd.

“Marsh, Broflovski.” Mr Williams turned to us, his eyes cold as steel as he scanned us,”Where’s your gym clothes Marsh?” I could hear him getting annoyed, I was scared shitless but I didn’t want Stan to get in trouble because of me, I decided to come clean.

“Mr Williams, I-“”I forgot sir.” Stan cut me off, I threw my gaze onto him. He didn’t have a hint of fear.

Mr Williams, obviously aggravated, huffed,”I expected more from you, Marsh. As the quarterback of the school team, you should’ve been more disciplined. Go run laps around the gym, don’t stop until I tell you to.” 

“And you, run with him.”He ordered, “I’ll run the laps for him, he has a sprained ankle.” Stan offered and I didn’t get the chance to disagree as Mr Williams nodded his head.

And off he went, his speed was unmatched to the other guys in the class. He was a well-trained athlete, I could only imagine how toned he was under those layers of cloth and how good his stamina was. I peeled my eyes off him and slowly headed to the group.

His black hair swayed with the wind as he ran, his long legs and derrière fit so well in those shorts he had on. His face glistened with sweat as he amped up his tempo, you could hear how harsh his footfalls were as they crashed to the ground.

I felt ashamed and grateful for Stan, he was such a good friend to me. The word ‘friend’ stung a bit, but that was all we were and would ever be. I looked in the sea of people and saw Wendy Testaburger staring daggers into his face. I felt jealousy swell up in me but there wasn’t anything I could do to stop her. I couldn’t go there and just punch her, even if I secretly wanted to.

Wendy was an ex of his, I couldn’t blame him for dating her in the past. She was one of the most excellent students in our high school. Not only was she smart, she was also popular for her attractive looks. The most intelligent girl with the top athlete? It was a match made in heaven. 

Stan was straight and even though I wasn’t sure I was into guys, I could tell I felt something more than friendly love to him. I knew my feelings would never be reciprocated nor see the day of light, I didn’t want to ruin what we had now.

After class was break, I decided to repay him by buying him lunch. I tried searching for him and wandered around, trying to find the brunette. When I finally found him, he was talking to Wendy at his locker. I hid behind the wall nearby, why was I hiding? I didn’t have an answer but I couldn’t just come out, so I stayed there and eavesdropped on them.

“So...you’re having a get together at Friday? Can I come?” I heard Wendy ask sweetly to him, that uncomfortable envy rallied up in me again, she was clinging onto his arm, tugging on his jacket. I could tell Stan was feeling awkward, he always scratched his hair when he was, it seemed like he didn’t know how to reject her offer.

“Ugh..I don’t know. It’s kind of a guys thing.” He shrugged, trying his best to loosen the tight grip Wendy had on him.

“But you used to always bring me to these things. Please?” She whined.

‘Come on girl, you guys broke up just a few months ago. And you left him in the dust for some other guy in Middle Park.’ I thought to myself, the audacity she had was unbelievable. 

Ugh, what a bitch. I know she does good academically and all, but her behaviour makes it hard for me to see what Stan finds in her that’s attractive.

“Wendy, I can’t." He spit out, and I could see the rage in her eyes grow more intense as seconds flew by. I knew I had to help him out, I had to do something quick.

Think, Kyle. Use that p brain or yours.

“Yo dude! Where have you been? I thought we were going to go discuss practice at lunch! You coming?” As natural as I could, I pulled out the worst excuse ever, it wasn’t really convincing but Wendy knew nothing about football practice so technically she wouldn’t know. I flung my arm over his shoulder, making eye contact with him.

“Wha-Ouch!” He was confused and looked at me like I was crazy, he almost blew our cover. I tugged him harder, trying to signal him. Eventually he caught on, “Oh yeah! Look at the time, it’s almost over huh? Nice talking to you Wendy, but I got to go now. Bye!”

We rushed from the busy corridors to the cafeteria, “You really saved me back there dude.” 

“No problem man. Wendy is such a whore.” We chuckled.

We headed to the the cafeteria, the place wasn’t as packed and we saw our table not faraway. As promised I paid for his lunch, he persisted on paying himself but I paid before he could fetch his wallet.

“What took you guys so long? Did you guys go make out or something?” Cartman snarky commented, I really don’t know what he has against me. He has always tried to flip me off since elementary but I always managed to keep my cool. I guess I have just grown accustomed to his behaviour already.

“Shut up, Cartman. Wendy was hogging Stan.” I explained, Stan was munching down on his lunch like a beast, I bet he was starving after those laps. 

“Wendy? I thought that bitch broke up with you already?” Kenny muffled through the hood of his parka, he was the poorest among our gang, so he always only drank water during breaks.

“We did! But recently she’s been texting me again.” He chewed down onto his chicken,”I don’t know how to deal with her even, she keeps spamming my phone.” He went through his sweater pockets and showed us the ungodly texts that Wendy sent. There were approximately 50+ texts along the lines of ‘I miss you’ and I want you back.’

“Why don’t you just block her annoying ass?” Clyde suggested, Craig’s gang and us hung out during lunch together.

“I did! But she opened another account and continued on, she even went off on me! She’s a crazy bitch.” God, Wendy was a fucking stalker.

“Didn’t she ditch you for some other guy? What was that guys name again?” Craig asked as he sipped his juice before passing it back for Tweek.

“I think it was Adam or some gay ass name.”Token joked and we all burst into laughter. Sure , Token was one of the more emphatic people in the school but God Damn he dropped the best burns.

As I sat there with tears in my eyes, jaw still hanging from the laughter, I felt something rubbing against my leg. It was rough and hard, and I felt mildly uneasy. I shot my eyes up at the person opposite me, the soles of his leather boot were digging itself into my calves.

A smirk curled up as our eyes met, I felt inferior in his presence, like he was a dark cloud hovering over me, and I was the tree that couldn’t move even an inch to escape his grasp. I looked down, I couldn’t get myself to look at him, but it wasn’t the same as why I couldn’t look at Stan. It was a whole new ballgame.

He signalled me to lean in, and I followed. While everyone was still laughing and making jokes, we were sitting at the corner of the table and he whispered something into my ear, his breath making mine hitch. 

“Follow me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, leave suggestions if you have them, I would love to read them!


	3. I only call you when it’s half past five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Schools over and the gang decides to hang out at the cinema. Stan notices something off about Kyle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to update.. sorry for the late chapter!

STAN

As the school bells rang, me and the gang rushed out of the school doors with lighting speed. God, finally.

“Is there anything you guys wanna do?” I asked, we didn’t always go home on time. In fact, we never did. It was either hanging out at Kyle’s house, playing basketball or going on some random adventure around town. 

Frequently, we would get into a lot of trouble. But, miraculously we would always survive our trips, that’s excluding Kenny of course. We had been planning for another road trip this year after school ends and we graduate, which is in a few weeks time.

It’s amazing how time just flies and now we’re all grown up and prepared to leave this small town.

“Nothing, actually. Wanna go catch a movie? I heard there’s a new movie up.”Kenny suggested, we all agreed since we all didn’t have any idea anyway. So, we started to head for the theatre nearby, on the way, there was our usual banter. 

“Oooh..Kahl’s going to watch a chick flick or something, that’s so gay.”Cartman added as we went to buy some tickets, that of course didn’t make Kyle happy. I, on the other hand went to grab some food for the gang.

“Shut the hell up fatso.” Kyle’s face reddened up from the anger, he and Cartman have always been like this. Cartman always tries to get on his nerves and he always succeeds, I don’t know why he even tolerates it sometimes, he’s just too nice.

Maybe that’s why we’re best friends, our morals aren’t as twisted and evil as Cartmans, and we aren’t as desperate and horny like Kenny, we’re different from them, which makes us click, I guess.

Well, he is my super best friend after all. We’ve been hanging out for years and sometimes I feel like he’s a brother from another mother, he just gets me like no one else does. He even took care of me that time I got vaginitis, he helped me through a lot of shit and I’m so grateful to have him. He holds a special place in my heart, but not like in an odd way, I love him but no homo.

“Aw, what? It’s that Adam Sandlers’ movie that’s only good when you’re drunk. Nice choice, Kahl.” We stumbled around in the pitch black cinema, it was a weekday so it wasn’t as packed as usual. We sat down with our popcorn and drinks after a few minutes of finding our seats, the boring ads started to roll. Naturally, we went to check our phones, I mean come on, who’s watches ads? Cartman on my left was hogging all the popcorn while Kyle on my right was texting his mom that he was going to be late, I didn’t know what Kenny was doing on my far right but he was there.

“Wendy again?” Kyle asked, I guess he saw my notifications when I pulled out my phone. The girl was crazy, first she ditched me for another guy and I was heartbroken for months! When I finally got over her, she kept coming back to harass me and ‘claim’ me back, what a fucking psycho.

“Yeah, I’m just going to mute her, she’s going to ruin the movie for me. Besides, I wanna spend some time with you guys, and you, Kyle.” I really didn’t want to spoil the remaining months fussing over some girl, I didn’t know how long we would stay together as a gang of friends.

I saw Kyle smile shyly,”That is so gay.”

The movie started and we all went off out phones to focus on the movie. Throughout the movie, I almost fell asleep because it was so bad. Now I know why people say it’s only good when you’re drunk, you’re so hammered you can’t comprehend the shityness and end up laughing. Sadly I was still dry.

Halfway through the movie, Kyle stood up to go the restroom and Kenny tagged along. I don’t know if it was me, but he seemed a tad bit shaky. His legs were like jellyfish, like they had no strength at all. I seemed like he was a toddler that had just learned to walk. I offered to help him, but he declined,” It’s fine,Stan. Kenny’s here to help me.” He smiled weakly at me, I could see his face had a tint of red painted on. 

“I’ll do it.”Kenny insisted, his hood was down, revealing his gold locks.

I furrowed my brows and threw my gaze at the blonde, the ends of his lips curled up into a small smile but it resembled a mysterious but mischievous smirk. He wrapped his arm around Kyle’s torso, supporting him up the stairs and out the cinema hall.

_Something’s fishy about this, but I can’t wrap my hand around it._

I tried to calm my suspicions, and I focused back on the big screen. Kenny’s a manwhore but he won’t go for Kyle, would he? Sure, he’s fucked around with multiple people in our school, but I’m sure he won’t go as far as to target one of us.

God knows how much time had passed when they came back, the movie was already ending. I couldn’t concentrate on the movie with Cartman beside me snoring his lungs out, but more importantly I was worried sick about Kyle’s wellbeing.

“Where were you guys?” Cartman asked, digging through the bucket of popcorn to find some leftovers. The blinding sunlight stung my eyes a little, as I tried to adjust, I peeked at Kyle to check on him. There was a purple, reddish patch that seemed out of nowhere. Was that what I think it was?

“The toilets, duh. Kyle was taking a massive dump.” Kenny said, glancing at Kyle and then me. Kenny was one of us but sometimes it seemed like he hid a lot of things from us. He looked at me through the hood of his bright orange parka, but I couldn’t make out what he was thinking of.

“Is that a hickey Kyle?” I blurred out, I must’ve caught him off guard as he quickly covered his neck with his gloved hand. 

“No! It’s a mosquito bite, I swear.” I was not impressed at all, Kyle knew that I wasn’t going to buy it, “Let me see that.”I tugged onto his collar, trying to expose his neck for me to examine. Kyle wasn’t budging though, he held his collar tight, wriggling out of my grip,“It’s really nothing..Please.” 

His resistance was futile, I had a larger frame than him and had spent more time training in the team. He was no match for me but he kept trying anyway.

“Cut Kyle some slack, Stan, let go! He already said it was just a mosquito bite.” Kenny pulled my hand away, he surprisingly had quite some strength for a guy his frame. 

“Whatever.” We walked our separate ways after that, I trailed the concrete pavement whilst the wind grazed my face. It was nice to just be alone sometimes, I could gather my thoughts and breathe.

Like what was that back there? I can still vividly remember that look on Kyle’s face, he resembled a dear that was stuck in between two wolves fighting, he just stood there helplessly while me and Kenny glared at each other. He looked so small and fragile between us, like he had no fight or say.

Kenny, that slut, I’m going to show him!

“I swear to God Randy! If you do that again, I’m leaving this house!” As I strolled pass the flowery road, kicking small pebbles along the way,I could hear my mother’s screams through the fragile wooden door, I try to twist the doorknob open but it was locked. I sighed, this wasn’t something new to me either. 

“Sharon, please! Ugh..why are you being so difficult?” I hear the coarse voice ring into my ears, it was my dad, they were having their fight as usual. Sometimes I think how lucky my sister, Shelly is after she moved for college, she doesn’t have to deal with all this shit anymore.

The fight is going to continue for hours on end, and I didn’t want to go in and endure all of that. Today was already sucking the life out of me, I really didn’t want to deal with this.

I sighed, my hand reaching into my jacket sleeves to fetch my phone out. Pressing onto that contact was almost like second nature to me.

“Hey. Starks pond?”

“Give me five minutes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, kudos and comments are appreciated.


	4. I’m not even half as pretty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle and Kenny get busy in the school toilets and the cinema. Kyle is scared out of his life but can't see himself declining the blonde's offer. After that, he meets up with someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey~I’m back again. Soooo yeah, enjoy! Leave any suggestions down below, if u have any of course. Anyway, happy reading~ I really enjoy writing these <3

KYLE

“We shouldn’t be doing this here..the guys will-“ ”You mean you’re worried **Stan** will find out.” He pressed against me and I could feel his breath on my neck, his hand groping my non-existent chest area. It kinda tickled but it felt arousing in the way of his precise hand movements. He knew what I liked.

I fell to silence, he knew me too well and I was a bad liar. The restroom was particularly empty because everyone was out for recess and also because no one came to this block. It has become a go to place for couples to fuck. 

Locked in a small space between two white walls, I wasn’t a claustrophobic person but this was certainly not comfortable for two guys like us. Furthermore, this place stunk of piss, it was awful.

“Come on, loosen up, don’t be so tense. There’s no one here, just me and you.” He glided his finger down my torso, his lips pressing onto mine. It was a continuous push and pull, and eventually his tongue slipped into mine.

To be honest, I really didn’t know why I was going through with this, I was scared shitless that someone would catch us. But in the moment, nothing felt more important than this. Temporarily, I forgot about Stan and everything else.

“Kenny, I..” My breath hitched as his thigh rubbed between my legs, we couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves. He tore off his parka. My hand was in his hair, grabbing onto those golden strands. I closed my eyes, trying to imagine the one I loved dearly.

“Shhh...don’t talk.” I knew he was doing the same thing, we were nothing more than this. We weren’t in love, we were just caught in lust. Kenny had his heart on an innocent kid, Butters. I can’t exactly remember when we started doing this, it just happened one day when he came over and we were all over each other’s bodies.

“Stan..”I softly moaned as his hands started wandering off, my mind imagining that raven haired boy that I adored so dearly. Kenny hoisted me up his waist, peeled my bright orange jacket off and threw it on the toilet cover. I was definitely adding that to my laundry list. I sat my ass down and we continued making out.

I guess me and Kenny was somewhat similar, both of us were closeted and our crushes were all straight as a ruler. The salt on the wound was they were so close to us, there wasn’t even an excuse to just leave them alone to take our minds off them. It’s a blessing and a curse. 

“You like it when I do that?”His rough hand slipped right into my pants, stroking me at a relatively fast pace. Even though we didn’t know each other as much, we definitely knew each other’s bodies well. I felt my body grow warmer and my muscles relaxed, it felt too good.

“Mmph..more please.” He knelt down onto the dirty tiles, unzipping my pants to reveal my hard boner. His face neared and in a quick swoop, I felt his lips wrap around me. His mouth was so extremely warm. I let out a gasp as his head started to bob up and down, my hips involuntarily thrusted. I jolted as he took in more of me.

“Don’t come yet, I’m not satisfied.” He let go with a pop, his hand still lazily stroking me. Beads of cum dripping onto the white cover, and he licked it with such enthusiasm. The smug expression not changing a bit. The unzipping of his pants was awfully loud in contrast tothe dead silent restroom, he straightened his back and looked down.

“Come on let’s make it quick.” It was my turn to return the favour even though it was painfully hard to continue without touching myself. I wrapped my whole mouth around him, my hand stroking him as I worked. My jaw was sore from his size. It made me imagine if Stan was also like this, or if he was bigger. It made my body tingle in excitement.

As time went by, the perspiration of our bodies intensified. We were getting more and more reckless. We let go of restraint and harsh groans accompanied with soft moans were louder than I would have liked. I was throwing Kenny over the edge when I paced faster, his muscles tensed up and his grip on my hair tightened. It was a mix of pain and pleasure. The white lights casted shadows over his face, making it a challenge to read out his expression but for sure he was in euphoria.

Was it bad I was giving one of my best friends a blowjob in a restroom filled with the stench of fifty high-schoolers while thinking of my crush? I didn’t know and I didn’t want to know. It was just us fucking around, forgetting about reality whilst our bodies bathed in the sea of pleasure, our heads filled with endorphins and adrenaline. Maybe it was just teenage hormones, or maybe it was that empty, numbing pain that we had inside us, knowing that he would never be mine and knowing he would never embrace me like Kenny would, maybe it was best. I didn’t want to hurt our relationship but the melancholy inside me was taking me over.

I’m not half as pretty as the girl he’s dated, he would never kiss me nor would he hold me like lovers do. I wanted to forget all that but it just hurt me so much, it was unbearable. Seeded deep inside of me, I would think of all the possibilities that could have been. What if I was straight? What if I was a girl? Would it make a difference? Everything would be easier if I was a girl or if I just stayed in my lane.

Just for a while, let Kenny be my Stan, let him be my everything.

Let him kiss me dearly like he would if I was his.

“Don’t cry.” Kenny whispered, I hadn’t noticed that tears had been rolling down my eyes until he mentioned. I sniffled and wiped my face, he laid loving kisses onto my cheeks, comforting the heartache that rotted my soul.

“Mmph, I’m going to come Kyle.” With that, he busted a nut in between my lips. I had to swallow down every single drop, and you know what, I didn’t mind at all. In my mind, the person in front me was Stan Marsh, not Kenny Mccormick.

“Such a good boy.” He ruffled my hair and for my reward, he went flash mode on my dick. The sudden immense stimuli was hard for me to process. Break was almost over and you could hear student’s rushing to their respective classes.

“More..aah..” Digging my nails into his white undershirt, he licked down from the tip down. My whole body was floating in this cloud of excitement. His hands were still fondling me all over, caressing my thighs.

The bell rang and all the built up layers of tension released in an instant. It was contented release. After cleaning up briefly, we grabbed our stuff and rushed for our class.

.

After dragging myself over the remaining list of boring classes, school was finally over. I was planning to head home but the guys wanted to go for movies, well it wasn’t like I had any special occasions or plans so I decided to tag along.

The cinema was a few blocks from our high school, so we had to walk for a while. On the way, we passed through several different places and waved ‘hi’ to the town folks, it was a small town so everyone knew each other. Me and Stan walked at the back while Kenny and Cartman led the way.

“Hey, where were you during recess? You just disappeared.” Stan brought up the topic, I could feel the sides of my face heat up in embarrassment. How was I supposed him? Oh nothing, I was having sex with one of our friends while moaning you name because I’m infatuated with your presence.

“Oh, Mrs Thompson wanted to see me. I’m helping her with some assignment things. You know her.” Technically I wasn’t lying to him, Mrs Thompson was my Chemistry teacher and she had a soft spot for me. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for her to call or me.

“Well, ok. Then are you hungry? I can buy you some popcorn when we get there.” He offered and I nodded in agreement. I wasn’t hungry but I was too flattered to reject him. It made me feel a tad more special. I really wanted to wipe that smile I had on my face but I was too overjoyed to.

'Stan wants to buy me food? He cares for me...'

We chatted about other things as we strolled to our destination, sometimes Cartman would interrupt us but it was a nice,relaxing conversation nonetheless. The whole time I felt the butterflies in my stomach fluttering, I never felt this intensity of happiness before.

Eventually we got there and I went to buy tickets while that fatass complained about my taste in movies. I genuinely think Adam Sandler is funny, wasted or not. Stan came back with a bucket of tooth-rotting sweet caramel popcorn and another a bag of chips, he threw the chips in my arms”I remember you liked these ones right? Here.”

“Wow, thanks dude! How did you remember?” My mouth started watering upon laying my eyes on those chips.

“I always remember things about you, dude.” He let out the brightest smile and I think I almost fainted. When we entered the almost pitch black cinema, the anxiety in me grew, not because of the darkness but more or less that Kenny sat just beside my right and Stan on my left.

Kenny was a sneaky guy, have I ever told you he jacked me off beneath the table once? The guy has a voyeurism kink or something, I am always on the edge when he does these things, it’s both exhilarating and terrifying.

Me and Stan talked a little while before the movie started. Throughout the movie I kept peeking at Stan and Kenny, I could see Kenny’s hand creeping down my thigh and rubbing it slightly. I tried to ignore him but that added fuel to the fire.

I held back my moans as Stan was just a few inches beside me, I furrowed my brows at Kenny but the latter only smirked back to me. I guess seeing me annoyed was also one of his kinks. He nudged closer to my ear and whispered,” Isn’t it just more exciting to do it beside your crush?”

“Fuck you, Kenny.” I whisper-shouted to him, he loved to tease me. I was resisting the urge to slap that smirk off his face.

“Will do.” 

He kept rubbing my thigh before closing on his target, his ungloved hand slid down my jeans and I felt my back arch a little. My legs grew weaker as the movie progressed, my heartbeat was off the roof, I was fucking sweating, I kept praying that Stan wouldn’t notice.

“Look at his face, doesn’t he look so handsome? What if I was him, huh? You would’ve cum the moment I touched you.” Kenny laid his head against my shoulder blades, getting my creative juices flowing by making me imagine lewd things.

“Shut up.” I choked out.

He moved his hands with such finesse, he hit all the spots I liked. He was so good it was unimaginable, I was shaking while trying to breathe properly.

“Can we go to the toilets please?” I couldn’t do this, there was too much things to worry about and I really didn’t want to do this here.

“Well, let’s go.” He accepted and I could see why, he was stone hard. He hoisted me up and my legs gave out, Stan wanted to give me a helping hand but we politely declined. He looked kinda frustrated but he let Kenny drag me to one of the stalls to finish me off.

“Seriously? We could’ve been caught, you fucking horny ass maniac!” Locked doors in another empty toilet, it was the second time today. He was fucking crazy and crazy for sex, just look at those eyes. He really had a sex drive of a bunny and I was the one to receive that.

“Less talking more fucking.” He tore off my clothes once again, this time I was facing the toilet mirrors while my upper body leaned against the sink counter. He worked his fingers inside me with some lube he always had in his back pocket, loosening me up a bit.

He bit my neck and I was horrified,” Ken no! Stan will see.” But it was like the adrenaline was rushing inside his veins, he couldn’t process what I was talking.

We fucked basically, doggy style, use your brain to imagine that yourself you pervs. The movie had ended when we finished.

On the way home, Stan caught a glimpse of my hickey and I panicked. He didn’t seem too happy when Kenny started defending me, he didn’t buy our crap but kept quiet. It was an uncomfortable silence home and I felt like shit.

I wanted to cry, did Stan figure it out? Of course he would, he knew what a hickey was, he had a girlfriend before! What was I expecting when I decided to do that?

I’m a dumbass. Now he’ll never want me because he’ll think his best friend is just a whore like Kenny. My heart sunk at the thought of that, it felt like the world was over for me.

The bright flowers didn’t look as pretty now as I trailed back to where we came. Everything was grim to me, even the smiles everyone gave me were mocking. It was like everything had a grey filter on it now, like a black and white movie.

It’s all your fault Kyle, why can’t you control yourself! You fucked up.

While I was in the cycle of overthinking and sadness, I felt my phone buzz. I fetched it out and with eyes brimming with tears I looked at the screen.

“Stark’s pond?”

“Give me five minutes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are much appreciated. (if any of course..lol)<3


	5. Wish you were gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle meets up with Stan at Stark's Pond and things go down unexpectedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot again..maybe I should update every Sunday from now on. Hope you guys enjoy thee story so far! Kudos and comments are appreciated~

KYLE

“What’s up?” The rain had subsided briefly when I arrived at Stark’s Pond, the muddy earth dirtied my boots. I frowned, now I’ll need to wash them. I saw that blue beanie with red band in the distance, he was sitting on the wet bench, staring into the calm water. It smelt of grass and nature which I liked.

Not as much as I liked Stan though..

“Hey dude, nothing much, just regular fighting.” Stan’s family wasn’t to the point that it was dysfunctional but it wasn’t happy either. It what made him spiral down an alcohol addiction I guess, poor thing. I took my seat beside him, patting his shoulder,”It’s alright dude, you can come over if you want.”

“But what about the clothes and stuff?” I replied,”Don’t I have one of your t-shirts? You just lent me today, dude.” 

He smiled, I knew him too well, ”How would I live without you huh?” The remark triggered jolts of electricity within me, so I tried to shrug it off,”That’s so gay dude.”

“Here, want to have a sip?” He dragged a green bottle that was full of whiskey, I furrowed my brows at him, “You shouldn’t be drinking this. Give me that.” I tore the beverage and his hand apart, he tried to pull away his arm and I ended up falling into his arms. In a second, the world turned pitch black and I could feel his heartbeat right next to my ear, my face reddened in an instant.

“Kyle.”He didn’t move an inch when was lying against him, instead he put his fingers into my hair, playing with my ginger curls. I didn’t know what to do so just stayed there, trying my best to ease my irregular pulse, it was going crazy.

“Yeah?” I said questionably, he looked down to me and our eyes met. I felt like I saw my whole universe in those eyes, those blue orbs sucked me in so deeply, I couldn’t look away.

“Are you gay? With Kenny and stuff?” As I was bathing in the joy of the moment, my heart sank as those words crawled out of his lips. The peace that had been broke and what was left was fear, specifically the fear of uncertainty. 

It was too complicated to explain to him the dynamics and purpose of our seemingly odd relationship, and I would risk outing myself to him. What were my options? I couldn’t lie, I was too bad with words to. But, if I didn’t, what would happen to us?

“Kyle? Dude, are you ok?” He questioned worryingly, I reassured him by nodding.

“It’s....Stan, me and Kenny are just buddies.” Well, why not just take a shot? I looked down to the flowers beneath us, turning my gaze to something else. I felt his body tense up and he threw me off his chest, shock dawned on me when I saw an enraged Stan Marsh in front.

“Kyle, why do you have to lie to me? I know you guys have been fucking behind our backs!” He screamed, I could tell he was angry but I didn’t know why or what he was so angry about. I wanted to burst into tears but I held them back, I looked like an utter mess with my body sinking into the wet soil.

“What are you so angry about? So what? Does it make me less of your friend because I’m gay and me and Kenny fuck? Why does it matter? “ I stood up from the ground, the sadness morphed into anger, I felt wronged.

I’ve been trying so hard to maintain this relationship between us and now he’s destroying with his own two hands. The worst of all, I can’t tell him any of the things inside my heart.

“Why did you have to hide it from me? Aren’t I your best friend? What does that make me? I tell you everything and you never do the same!” He argued, his voice getting harsher and hoarser as he intensely debated back. 

“You *are* my best friend, Stan. What are you talking about?” I softened up, so he was worried about this? Me, not being his best friend?

“You always disappear with Kenny and leave me with fucking Cartman! You know how much that sucks? That fatass is fucking annoying! “ He started to complain and to be frank with you, I couldn’t help but burst in laughter.

“Dude! I- pfftahahahahahahaha!”I held my gut as I laughed my ass off, Stan was confused to the brim as he stood there and stared at me like I had gone crazy. 

“WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT?” He screamed, he looked like an adult sized toddler throwing a tantrum in the food aisle. It triggered my laughter even more, which made him even more angry and embarrassed.

“Sorry, so this is all it’s about?” I calmed down and saw a red Stan Marsh, his cheeks all puffy like a small child. It melted my heart, if I couldn’t be his boyfriend, I might as well be his best friend and protect him this way.

He kept silent, and sat back down the bench. The dusk sunlight painted his face with a light orange, his blue eyes contrasting the warm toned tints. The calm tides of the pond alongside the greenery around us was like a painting, everything was normal again.

“So, do you like Kenny? Does he have a bracelet with you too?” I patted as much dirt off my jeans and sat beside him again. He spit out a line of questions that to me seemed very childlike, it was like he was child jealous of not getting something he wanted. I cleared my head from that thought, don’t overthink it Kyle.

“Well, he’s nice and all...but we’re not like a couple, no strings attached. And no, we don’t have a bracelet.” Me and Stan had bought a bracelet way back when we were in middle school, it was our oath to our friendship. It was something we picked up that was custom made from one of the festivals. It had detailed designs and our signature colours on it, the bracelet was between us only, so Kenny and Cartman have one. It was our little secret.

“I’m not mad that you’re gay dude. You’re like my brother. I would never abandon you because you suck dick.” I rolled my eyes at him and hit him lightly on his arm.

“Thanks dude.” I smiled weakly, the friend zone was inevitable. We were nothing more, just homies. I had no other choice, at least it wasn’t so bad.

Then, do you have someone you like?” Just when I thought I had answered all his questions and reassured him, he struck with me with the hardest question to answer. I gulped, I had to make up something quick.

Who would be the best candidate? I didn’t want to say Kenny because I didn’t want to make things more complicated than it already was. Cartman was a hard no, Butters? I didn’t want to fuck with Kenny’s crush, he would kill me. 

“He’s on the baseball team with us.”I blurred out, now he was really pumped to know now. He wouldn’t stop bugging me for my answer.

“Who?Who?’ Hie eyes full of curiosity, shit Kyle, what are you going to do now? Why in the world do you like your best friend!

“Clyde, I like Clyde.” I tried to keep my cool, Stan’s face had turned pale with his eyes protruding out, his jaw was hung so low it was going to hit the ground. He stared daggers at me like I had committed murder on his family or something.

”Clyde?! The guy in Craig’s gang?” He asked with disbelief, I nodded my head and looked back with certainty. He laid back and sipped some of his whiskey to calm his nerves.

Was I safe now? Did he really buy it? There were so many questions floating in my mind, taking up all the space in my head. In the mist of my confusion and doubt, Stan stood up suddenly, the words that rolled off his lips dropped a bomb on me.

“I’m in love with Wendy again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	6. Boy, you make me make bad decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan gets into a fight with Clyde during practice and the brunette tries to reveal something to him. Kyle makes a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter~ I enjoy writing these a lot, so I hope you guys do too

STAN

“Coach, good afternoon.” With my bag slung over my shoulder, I waved and greeted the middle-aged man in front of me, Mr Williams. He grunted as a response, I put down my things onto the bench and prepared for practice.

I am a part of the school baseball team, so having to stay back for practice isn’t something odd to me. Besides, it’s better to have something to do after school then going back to that hell hole. I had time to burn and it made a better player anyway, there wasn’t anything to lose.

“Yo, Stan.” I turned my head to face that clear voice, a brunette I saw. It was Clyde Donovan, our team’s shortstop, for what I saw he’s actually decently good, but his personality? I would swipe left. I don’t know what Kyle sees in him though.

“What?” I replied coldly, we all headed for the locker room, I didn’t spot that familiar red-head which was weird, I thought he would come since he promised. But whatever, things have been kinda weird between us since this morning anyway.

Maybe it’s because of yesterday, we kinda had a fight at Stark’s Pond and it didn’t end up well. I really fucked up everything, I shouldn’t have texted back to Wendy when I was shitfaced and now I have to deal with the consequences. Fuck. I wanted to get back at Kyle but not like this.

I am a mess. I was hungover this morning and mom had to drag me out of bed, I’ve been having ringing headaches and Mr Wilson’s Math class in first period definitely didn’t help with that. When I looked myself in the locker room mirror I looked like a zombie, pale and heavy eye bags with veins popping from my eyes. I really needed a nap after practice.

“I heard that you and Wendy Testaburger are a thing again? From the girls and Bebe.” He really was into everyone’s business and I hated that, I just ignored him as I changed my clothes. He took it as a sign to annoy me further, “I’ll take that as a yes? What a shame, I was going to ask her out. Welp, beggars can’t be choosers.” 

I don’t know what came into me but I turned my back and punched Clyde in his face. Maybe it was because he couldn’t stop blabbering and it made my head hurt worse. My day has already been shitty enough and I didn’t his ass making it more shitty . I was tired and angry, although I wasn’t sure why I did it, one thing is clear, I didn’t do it because he was talking about Wendy.

“FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!” Suddenly, the whole room got excited, and boys started chanting on. "Kick his ass Stan!" I heard Cartman yell. Clyde, who had a bleeding nose, got punched onto the hard floor and he wasn’t happy with it. Embarrassed, he quickly stood up and began throwing punches at me, I tried my best to avoid most of them while kicking him at the same time but I still got a few blows to my face. The anger that built up in me just burst in this moment, Clyde was my punching bag and outlet, it was bad but he was a fucking jerk anyway.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU BOYS DOING?” A loud, stern voice broke the noisy cheering and all of us froze, peeling my eyes from Clyde’s bleeding nose, I saw a furious Mr Williams with Kyle behind him. Mr William was towering us with his broad shoulders, not to mention his fuming glare as he scanned the room, the ends of his lips were like a rainbow but there wasn’t anything magical about this. He sent shivers down my spine when he approached me and Clyde, the rest of the team scattered like rats, leaving the both of us to be yelled at while Kyle changed in the distance.

Mr William was undoubtedly disappointed at us, and we were going to get detention for a week because of this stupid shit. I glared at Clyde menacingly, fucking great. I felt like a disappointment not only to my coach but myself, if only I didn’t lash out like this, I wouldn’t be stuck with this asshole for a whole week. But I was more concerned about how Kyle thought of me right now, he has been avoiding me since the start of this week and now that I’ve beaten up his crush, I might have made things even worse. 

After the scolding, we were sent to the nurse’s office for patching up. I really fucked up Clyde’s nose and he did the same with my busted lip. On the way we shoved each other and almost started a fight in the hallway. Luckily, Mr Mackey was there to break us apart and guided us there. 

“Oh gosh! Look at you poor boys, sit down there.” The nurse gasped, we sat down at the chairs provided and waited for her to attend us. She went to get some supplies which left the both of us alone.

“Marsh.” Clyde called, I grunted and ignored him.

“You fucked my face up pretty damn well, what are you going to do about it?” He questioned, to be honest I wasn’t planning to do anything.

“You fucking deserved it for what you said, I’m not giving you shit.” I shot back, he groaned but his lips curled up shortly after.

“That’s sad, but do you want to know something?” He smirked and asked mockingly, I was a curious person but I didn’t like to be in the centre of attention because of drama. And to no one’s surprise, Clyde was as dramatic as you could imagine, I really didn’t want to be involved any more than this.

“Shut up.”

“But it’s about Kyle, your best friend...You sure you don’t want to know?” His words slid through my conscious like a snake, so alluring but dangerous. I didn’t know if I wanted to know, if anything I could ask Kyle directly, but our situation made that hard. He had peeked my interest.

“So? Do you?” 

.

KYLE

"You're going to dump our friendship for some basic chick?" Wendy was the controlling type, she would always try to ruin our friendship. I still remember her manipulating us into a fight when we hung out too much one time, it was horrendous and that was what triggered a break up since Stan wouldn't give up our bond. Sure, he was devastated but he knew it was for the best afterwards.

Hearing those words out of his mouth mad me fume, saying I was enraged was an understatement, I was livid. I had no control over his emotions towards someone but I knew he was doing this to set me off. I felt the frustration, anger, jealousy and most importantly the unbearable sense of betrayal. I could hear my heart shattering into pieces, tears were forming at the edge of my eye.

He flipped at me while screaming "Fuck you dude! Wendy's not some basic chick, so don't you dare call her that!" at my face. I felt my emotions intensifying, I lashed out no thinking of the regret I would experience later, "You know what? Fuck you too, I don't need you anyway!"

I stormed home after that meet up at Stark Pond, I couldn’t hold my tears back as I was running up the stairs. I might have startled my whole household but I didn’t care at all, I felt like I was going to explode from all the emotions piling inside me. 

“Babey, are you ok?” Mom asked me as she knocked on my door, I didn’t answer as I was on the verge of an outburst. I felt a lump form in my throat and my vision slowly blurring, I fell onto my pillow and sobbed.

I buried myself in my covers, painting them a tone darker with the waterfall that was my tears, all the feelings towards Stan, no matter good or bad erupted like a volcano. I felt everything at once and I was overwhelmed, the tears didn’t stop for almost an hour, afterwards I felt the world clear up and this temporary peace within me.

Stan was so important to me, he was like the app I couldn’t delete on my phone because he was so essential in my life. And I...I destroyed it myself, he is going to be so confused and fuck, will he find out? I ran away, and now he must think I'm weird! There were so many questions but no answers.

After the exhausting crying session, I picked my phone and called Kenny. Even if we were just fuckbuddies, he was the only one I could rely on right now.

“Ken?”I sniffled, “Can you come over please?”

“Be there.” He might have heard my croaky voice because it took him like ten minutes to arrive, usually he would use half an hour to come.

I heard his footsteps up the stairs, so I opened my room door and let him in. He didn’t say anything but take off his orange parka, throw it on the floor and come sit down beside me.

“What’s wrong?” He looked at my red eyes, I poured my heart out with everything that had happened between me and Stan while he listened attentively. I appreciated that he was willing to come and listen to my rant, I wanted to hug him so I did.

“That must feel like shit Kyle. I’m sorry that I got you into this.” He held me tightly, I shook my head,” It’s not just you, I decided to do that.”

“I’m just sorry.” I knew I couldn’t wipe all the guilt he had, we just stayed there quietly. He ruffled through his pockets and threw a box of cigarettes out, he lit one up and looked at me.

“You want one?” 

I snatched his from his lips and inhaled, the smoke hit my throat and I coughed like no tomorrow.

“Hahahahahahaha, you need some time to get used to it.” He laughed at me. I didn’t know what got into me, but I knew I needed a distraction from all the chaos that had happened, maybe this was how Stan felt when he’s intoxicated. You just forget about the world when you indulge in these things, you destroy your body while you try to escape reality.

Stan, you make me make bad decisions.

We fooled around with it for a couple hours before I got exhausted and fell asleep.

By the time I had woke up, the sun was shining through the blinds, Kenny was nowhere to be seen so I assumed he just went home. 

“It smells like ass in here.” The tobacco still lingered in the room after last night, mom would whoop my ass if she found out but I could deal with that later.

I made my way to the bathroom, a look at the mirror and I could see my swollen,bloodshot eyes.

I looked like a mess. Oily hair, tired eyes, veiny face,”Ugh, get yourself together, Kyle.”

After washing up and getting dressed, I grabbed some breakfast and headed for school. I got up the bus earlier than the boys, I figured I needed some time away from Stan, I couldn’t imagine seeing him at the state I was in right now.

When I got up the bus, I saw Craig and his friends at the back. Craig and Tweek were snuggled together, Token and Jimmy sitting beside the couple with Clyde near the window, they all looked at me in awe as I found somewhere to sit. Clyde, being the busybody of the group, snuck beside me and sat there, bombarding me with questions for gossip,“Where’s your gang? Lonely and sad today huh, Broflovski?“

“Shut up Clyde, leave me alone.” I looked outside to see the plain, boring scenery. Everything just seemed grey and meaningless.

“Awww, so cold? That’s no fun.” He continued on, trying to taunt me but I really had no mood to deal with him.

Ignore him. Ignore him. He’s just trying to get on your nerves, what the fuck is wrong with him even? No wonder everyone says he’s a dick.

He took my silence as a sign to push me off the edge farther, “How about Cartman? Stan? And Kenny, your butt buddy?” 

My eyes widened at his words,“What are you talking about?” I see his smirk form and he scooted nearer, “You know exactly what I’m talking about, stop acting dumb. Toilets aren’t my thing but sure Kyle, you do you.”

“I swear, if you tell anyone about this, I’m..””What? What are you going to do?” I tugged onto his collar, I felt the atmosphere of the bus tense up in a instant, everyone was looking at us. We looked each other and I threw him back at the seat, storming down the bus.

“Come on Kyle! It was just a joke!” He shouted at me, I wanted nothing more than to tear that grin he had off his face.

”Shut the fuck up Clyde!”

Fuck,fuck,fuck. This day is already starting out like shit!

Did Stan tell him? Did he tell everyone about this? Fuck, I shouldn’t have told anything to him, that fucking liar!

I sat down on the pavement, there wasn’t anyone as it was still quite early. I felt so frustrated, at everything, at the world, nothing was going my way and control wasn’t in my hands anymore. I ruined everything, my friendship, my reputation and myself.

“What am I supposed to do now?” I could only see blocks of colours as my vision blurred. They were tears of humiliation and anger.

“Holy hamburgers! What are you doing here, Kyle?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for always reading, kudos and comments are always appreciated <3


	7. It should've been us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan and Wendy go on a date after being patched up. On the way home, they pick up Kyle and Clyde. Stan is in shock when he learns about them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy reading~

STAN

“Did you know Kyle and Butters are hanging out now? I saw them walking together at lunch today. What happened to you guys? Super best friends? ” He questioned, I didn’t know if he was genuinely concerned or he was just trying to start something between us. It was most likely the second one though.

“I don’t know, okay? So just shut up.” Thoughts ran through my brain, Butters? He was once part of our gang when we were unsure of Kenny returning from the dead, we ditched him after high school though, Kyle and him wasn’t particularly close either. 

The thought of Kyle being best friends with another person just made me feel...weird. I didn’t want to admit that I was kinda sour about that, we had always been close with each other, so it just didn’t feel right to see him being best friends with someone else. He /has/ been avoiding me the entire morning, every time I try to talk he just runs away.

He deserves a better friend than me..

“Awww, is someone jealous? Just like how you didn't know about Mccormrick and him too when all of us did.” I wasn’t going to question how he knew that, the entire school had gotten wind by now. I didn’t spread it but I think Kyle might think I did, maybe that’s why he’s been ignoring me.

“I really don’t know what Kyle sees in you..”I whispered to myself.

Sooner or later, the nurse came back with her bandages, she patched us up fairly quickly and we were out of her office. We went our separate ways after that, I glanced at my phone and it was already evening.

“Stan!” I heard a familiar melodic voice in the hallway, I turned to see silky, black locks with a pink beret, it was Wendy.

“Hi Wendy.” Technically, we were supposed to be boyfriend-girlfriend now after I drunk texted her to take me back, but I really regretted my decision. She wrapped her arms around mine and dragged me to her pink Honda Civic, insisting she would drive me home. I really didn’t have a choice and compromised.

“What happened to your face? You look terrible!” We drove down the road, listening to generic pop hits from the radio.

“You don’t say.” I said sarcastically, looking out the window.

“Cheer up, maybe a date at City Wok will make that frown upside down!” She suggested, it wasn’t like I had a say. I was starving after all the shit that happened today, and sweet and sour pork didn’t sound too bad either. We arrived shortly, after she parked her car, we headed inside.

The place wasn’t too shabby, red lanterns hanging from the ceiling acting as a weak source of light. The owner, Mr Lu Kim stood in front of the counter, asked with a thick Chinese accent”Welcome to Shity Wok. Take order please?”

“Two sweet sour pork with tea, thank you.” Wendy replied.

There wasn’t anything interesting in our conversations, it consisted of Wendy rambling over politics and other things I didn’t care about. My mind wandered off and I stared out the window, I took this down time to recollect my thoughts.

First, all my relationships have been strained because of Wendy taking all my time. I rarely have time to hang out with the guys. Even worse, I couldn’t patch things up with Kyle, the gap between us just grew even larger.

Second, Wendy definitely deserves someone better than me for a boyfriend. I want to break up with her, but I don’t want to be known as jerk! I’m not Clyde Donavan, mind you. She is so obsessed with me and I don’t know why, I don’t want to just step on her heart!

I still don’t know why I said the things I did that night, why the hell did I think it was a good idea to text an ex ‘I miss you, please come back.’ God, I was an idiot. Somewhere deep inside me though, I think the words that went through my head was for Kyle-“Hey! Are you listening to me?” The piercing voice cut through my thoughts, and I regained my composure.

“Y-yeah..I’m fine.” I sipped my tea, it burned my tongue.

“You haven’t touched your rice, are you not hungry?” She asked worryingly, I shook my head and indulged in the food in front of me.

After some brief conversation, we tidied up our stuff and decided to head home. The sky was already dark and the noisy town was quieter than in the day. We hopped on the car and Wendy drove me home in silence.

When we passed through the rows of shops, a bright orange jacket caught my eye, I squinted my eyes to focus and it was Kyle! But something was quite off, he was not with Kenny or Butters or even Cartman, he was with Clyde..

“Wendy, slow down.” Awfully confused, Wendy did and I rolled down the window beside the two. 

“Stan?” Kyle asked nervously, he was obviously dumbfounded. Clyde, on the other hand has this smug grin on his face, it just sent bells ringing in my head.

“Where are you guys going? It’s kinda late for anything right now.” I raised my brow when I saw Clyde’s arm around his waist.

“Oh..it’s nothing really. We’re going for some late night snacks at Token's, that’s all...” Clyde answered, ”Right babe?”

Babe?

”Y-yeah..definitely.” I could see the uneasiness of Kyle’s shrugging, he was sweating in these cold weather. It was like he was being held at gunpoint with all his stuttering.

“Need a ride?” Wendy asked with a smile, the duo nodded and got up the back. The entire ride home I could uncomfortable shifting and whispering, I looked at the mirror to check what they were doing. Unintentionally, our eyes met and I felt the most awkward I had felt, the music filled the silence of the car.

“So..you guys are a thing now?” I tried to strike up a conversation, I might have just startled them with such a blunt question. My straightforwardness always catches people off guard.

“Umm..” ”Yeah, we're exclusive now.”Clyde proudly announced, it was like a slap to my face. Everything was so surprising that I needed some time to process it, I felt this wave of envy crashing onto me, I felt so weird. It’s not like Kyle’s mine or anything, why should I mind? Are you crazy, Stan Marsh? You have Wendy!

“Oh, this is new.” I stated, looking at Kyle as he avoided my glance.

“Also, Kenny’s with Butters now fyi. The school prom is going to be lit.” The brunette said enthusiastically. If he didn’t mention it, I wouldn’t have remembered. Prom’s 2 weeks away.

“I wonder who Eric Cartman’s going to go with, after Heidi Turner dumped his fat ass, he has basically no chance for another date.” Wendy added, earning a few giggles that warmed up the gauche car ride.

“We’re going together right, babe?” Wendy asked, I could see the sparkle in her eyes.

“Yeah.” I nodded, she was content with my answer.

“We’re here. Bye babe, love you.” The car pulled over in front of my house, the endless rows of Marijuana leaves spread though the front of the door. I sighed and bid goodbye, Wendy pressing a light kiss on my cheek before closing the car door.

“Thanks." I watch the car speed off into the dark, the people inside the car getting smaller as the distance between us widened. All I could think of when I walked into the house was ‘I need some booze right now.’ 

My emotions were tangled up together like those annoying earphone wires, I dragged myself upstairs to my room. Everyone was asleep by this time, I remembered to grab some liquor when I stopped by the kitchen. Same routine, same habits.

I popped the cap off and chugged like no tomorrow. I tend to drink all my problems away, I didn’t know what was happening to me. I felt so...jealous, like I wanted to slap that smirk off Clyde’s face when he held Kyle. It was like he was just trying to bug me off, trying to assert his dominance or something.

‘I’m overthinking this..maybe Clyde has a good side? Maybe he treats Kyle well. Yeah, I’m just scared that he’ll mistreat Kyle, it’s not like I have a crush or something...right?’ I gulped down the whole bottle, the alcohol hitting my head in an instant, I was used to this.

The temporary relief from the world...it was an escape from all these questions of reality, I felt like I was floating in the calm tides of the ocean, sinking into the water. 

“Kyle..” I remember muttering before fading into unconsciousness.  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments much appreciated.


	8. Part of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cupid hit someone with precision as Kyle receives a love confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter~ Kudos and comments appreciated

KYLE

"You know you don't have to do his right?" Butters followed me as I walked out the classroom, I held all my books in one arm as we strolled down the crowded hallway.

"It's ok, fella. I'm glad to help an old friend out!" He smiled. Butters was the kind of person to be nice to everyone, he was the only innocence left in this debased school. He still had the same haircut that he had since middle school, blonde hair on top with shaved sides. He wore the same teal sweater that went with the color of his turquoise orbs, it was kinda unbelievable that someone could still remain as pure as he was throughout the years, considering his parents are assholes to him.

"I..I appreciate it Butters." I honestly felt a little guilty for ditching him but hey, at least we're still on good terms now.

"Come on, I'm starving. Let's go to the cafeteria to grab some munchies!" He excitedly pointed out, grabbing on to my hand and leading me to the hall.

The place was filled with students, every table had a different group of people though, one of them were the popular girls, the other were the popular boys which is where I used to sit, the goth kids, the nerds...you get the point. We went through the rows of tables and we settled down with our food on an empty table at the back, Butters was opposite me stuffing his face with the disgusting cafeteria food.

"So..I heard you and Kenny are a thing now? That was surprising, I thought Charlotte was your girl?" I struck a conversation, he looked at me with red, puffy cheeks. He seemed to be flustered at my sudden inquiry, he replied with an awkward smile,"Oh!I never knew the news spread so fast! Yeah, it just kinda happened. Kenny's a nice fella to be around...he's really sweet." He shyly stated, seeing him so love struck was cute, I wished to be as happy as he was if I ever got into a relationship with someone.

Sadly, that won't happen ever.

"That must feel so amazing huh.."I blankly stated, downing some of the food down my throat.

"It does. Now, tell me what was bothering you when I found you crying in front of my house this morning. You looked so sad!"He exclaimed with much worry and empathy. I forced out a dry laugh,"Well, Clyde kinda fucked with me on the bus, I don't know why I even said I liked him to Stan..he's a fucking dick!" 

"Geez, what did he say to you?" He asked, I gulped at the question but I knew I had to be honest with him.

"W-Well..Butters I'm sorry but like, me and Kenny were like fuck buddies before you guys were together..I totally understand if you find this uncomfortable and want to stop being friends, but don't blame Kenny. He didn't know how to tell you and he substituted you with me in a way. Clyde kept teasing me about it and I just got off the bus, I still don't know how he knew.." nervously stated, glancing at him a few times to observe his reaction. He seemed to be shocked at first, then slowly he relaxed his face and he sighed in relief,"So, you guys aren't doing this anymore right?"

"Absolutely not! We stopped after you guys got together which was like a week ago?" I answered, he smiled and grabbed my palms, "I'm not mad at you Kyle, thanks for being frank with me!" A wave of alleviation swept over me, I felt like I could breathe again.

"That's good to hear Butters."

"It's nothing! Anyway you mentioned something about Stan and Clyde? What about those fellas?" He asked, I really didn't know how to explain the whole shit show that had happened. I gave a brief summary with a few minor details, he listened attentively and nodded his head with every sentence that rolled off my tongue.

"Oh sweet Jesus, You must feel horrible! Poor fella." He comforted, it felt good to tell someone about my problems.

"Well..I try to cope."

"Hey Kyle! Can you come here for a second?" My head snapped to the rather nasally, deep voice that called me across the room, I saw Craig's unfazed expression with his hand waving towards me, they were sitting with the other boys like Token, Jimmy, Tweek, Cartman and Kenny. I headed for their table with Butters and thank God Stan wasn't there, Kenny pulled Butters to him immediately, smiling at the blonde sweetly.

"What?" I asked.

"Clyde has something to tell you, locker room." Token filled me in, there were so many questions that I had but couldn't ask, break was almost over.

"Are you guys going to go make out or something, filthy jew." Cartman sneered, I flipped him off and rushed to the lockers, running as fast as I could. When I got there, beads of sweat ran down my face as I was panting for air. The locker room door opened and I saw Clyde in front of me, with a very mixed expression on his face.

"What did you want to tell me?" He led me to sit down on the bench in the middle of the locker room, there wasn't anyone else but us which made it awkwardly silent. He opened his mouth and the first thing he said really caught me off guard, "I'm sorry for this morning, for teasing you and all. I hope you don't stay too upset after that." He apologised with remorse, his hands interlocked and placed on his thighs.

It was so odd of him to have done that, I was shocked but nonetheless I responded, " Well, it's fine. I'm ok now."

"Will you go out with me Kyle?" He asked quickly, I almost forgot to breathe when I heard that. My eyes widened and I could feel my cheeks heat up and turn the same shade as my hair, "Wha-? This is a joke isn't it? This isn't funny Clyde." I was convinced it was just a prank that the guys had planned to pull on me since I had so much rumours regarding my sexuality. I tried to laugh it off but his serious face told me otherwise, I regained my composure and nervously asked," You're not joking?"

"I am dead serious Kyle." He looked at me with firm eyes, I was in the midst of confusion with so many unanswered questions. What the actual fuck was happening right now? Why was Clyde Donovan, the playboy of the school confessing to me? What would Stan and the guys think of this even? More importantly..how would Stan react to this?

"Why? What are you doing this for?" I was freaking out and Clyde seemed unbothered with his tainted red cheeks, "I like you Kyle, that's why I'm doing this."

"Since when did you have a thing for me? I thought girls were more your thing, like Bebe and all." 

"Since fourth grade, but I never had the courage to tell you. You were always occupied with Stan." The mention of Stan ached my already broken heart, we haven't talked for the past morning and things are slowly getting worse. I didn't want to be down in the dumps and just become a raging mess because of Stan finding happiness ...I still wanted him to be happy even if that meant I wasn't the one for him. I needed a distraction to ease the depressing thoughts, and maybe this could be it. Clyde was the opposite of Stan personality wise, he was more brash and cocky and kind of annoying sometimes. I had never seen this side of him, all shy and quiet, it wasn't the Clyde Donovan I was used to seeing.

'Do you really want to be devastated with your life forever because of Stan? Look at Butters and Kenny, they're so happy, don't you want that for yourself too?' I heard an inner voice ask, I didn't want my joy to be revolved around Stan anymore but it was kind of impossible to move on right now.

"I know this is sudden and I understand that you need time to consider, so you don't have to answer now." He reassured me, standing up to leave the gauche locker room, on impulse I grabbed his arm to drag him back," Wait! I was thinking just now, a-and I want to say yes."

"Really?" His eyes twitched like a crazy person, euphoria must've washed over him in an instant, he excitedly held me close and gave me a bear hug. His warmth made me a little uncomfortable but I returned the favor, wrapping mine around his torso too, "Yeah."

'Give yourself another chance Kyle.'

.

"Where's this party at Clyde?" The night sky had set in and the town had gotten a lot quieter than in the day, our hands were entwined together as the breeze brushed our faces ever so lightly. I wore my usual orange sweater with my green ushanka, what was different was the shirt I wore underneath all those layers, I wore a black tank top with some figure hugging jeans. I did dress up for my first boyfriend, even though I never in my life expected it to be him, not going to lie I felt butterflies in my tummy when he complimented my new outfit and kissed my cheek.

"At Token's house. It's about a fifteen minute walk." He had picked me up from my house after school for a date, we passed by the shops at Shi Tpa Town with the illuminating lights cast a ray of colors onto our faces. The night seemed almost perfect as we talked on our walk. To be frank, I didn't even know a party was happening, but it was better than to willow in melancholy in bed.

As we strolled, I heard a car beeping at our direction so I turned my head to see who. To say that I was startled would be an understatement, I was appalled. It was the person I didn't want to see the most, Stan Marsh.

'Fuck. What am I going to do now?' I thought while clenching my hand harder, unintentionally biting my lip when he rolled down the car window. I saw Wendy at the driver's seat and she waved at me friendly, I waved back awkwardly and Stan asked us why we were here so late. I must've looked like I saw a ghost or some shit because I was pale as a sheet and I couldn't speak straight without stuttering.

“Oh..it’s nothing really. We’re going for some late night snacks at Token's, that’s all...” Clyde answered with confidence, I was so relieved that he had my back, ”Right babe?”

"Y-yeah...definitely." I answered, slightly glancing at him just to see his confused expression, he must be weirded out of his mind now. I stopped looking and just avoided his judgemental eyes.

'It was just Stan dude. Calm down, you've known him for years.' 

"Need a ride?" Wendy kindly suggested, I was going to decline but Clyde had already got up their car. I had no other choice but to comply, the entire car ride just made me feel uneasy, it was the literal worst car ride ever, I could feel Stan's gaze as he kept pressing questions onto me. Clyde was so oblivious, but I knew Stan knew what was happening, it was unbelievable to him. I tried to keep quiet the whole time while they talked.

“Also, Kenny’s with Butters now fyi. The school prom is going to be lit.” The brunette brought prom up and I would be going with him obviously, Wendy asked Stan if they were going together and he said yes. I still had this sour feeling in me when he accepted, I tried to shake it off but it was such a heavy feeling, it was suffocating me.

'Chill, Kyle. You've got Clyde now, he's your boyfriend. Stan's Wendy's boyfriend.' I tried to convince myself, I had to take control of my emotions but the rejection and jealousy built up in me needed an outlet to burst. 

'Why do you have to be so greedy? Isn't Clyde enough for you? You're breaking his heart like this..' I just wanted silence in my head for once and not to be bombarded with so much criticism and questions. I laid against the car seat, staring outside the rows upon rows of marijuana leaves. We arrived at Tergridy Farms, after Stan moved here we had even less time to hang out since he lived at the country side now. Last time I came over, we messed around with his dad's tractor and got our asses whooped. We had to clean up the barn the entire afternoon and we also fucked that up when we started to throw marijuana leaves at each other and started a snow ball fight but with marijuana. There were fun times I guess, the memories surged suddenly and I had to suck it all in, I didn't want to cry in front of everyone. It's just how funny how things can change in one night.

"Bye babe, love you." Seeing Wendy affectionately kissing Stan made me even more frustrated than I was, I balled my fists and huffed in my powerlessness. The car pulled out of the farmland and we headed for Token's house which had turned from a fifteen minute walk to a thirty minute drive. After we arrived, we thanked Wendy as we made our way into the mansion. There were drunk teenagers everywhere, the front yard was a mess with people wandering around with some parts of clothing left while being shit faced, pot smoke fogged the place quite a bit, I couldn't take the smell neither the deafening loud music that was playing in the background. I could see couples grinding each other at the dance floor, their hands touching every inch of the human anatomy, Craig and Tweek were making out at the couch and I really wanted to convince to go get a room.

"What took you so long dude?" Token greeted us at his living room, the place was dim with some blue LED lights acting as a light. We greeted him back, "Oh, we had to carpool and we ended up at the opposite of town. Sick party,Token."

"Drinks are at the kitchen but I wouldn't go there without a mask, it smells like someone's gut back there." Token reminded us before heading to the dance floor. The guy even hired a DJ for the party, he was loaded with cash to burn.

"I'm going to get us drinks, be right back." Clyde headed to the kitchen, I wasn't used to parties so I just wandered around the place and I ended up in the back yard. The music wasn't blasting as blaring as it was inside, my ears were ringing a little. I spotted a familiar duo that were just chilling against the fences, it was Kenny and Butters. They saw me too and waved at my direction, signalling me to come.

"Kyle? I didn't know you were a party person!" Butters exclaimed when he saw me, I had unzipped my sweater a bit and it showed my unusual outfit. He was wearing a teal jumpsuit with his hair styled to the side, Kenny on the other hand, had his orange hood down , he didn't wear anything special apart from him revealing his blonde hair.

"Neither did I. You guys got invited too?" I asked, " Nah, I don't know anyone here except from you and Craig's gang. I think they're all from Middle Park." Kenny pointed out.

"Kyle, babe! I couldn't find you." Clyde came out with red part cups filled to the brim, "Oh, sorry. I was talking."

"So, you guys are?"Kenny stared at me with awe, I shyly nodded,"Yeah, we're exclusive."

"That's great Kyle!" Butters winked at me, making a 'like' sign at me. I giggled, taking a sip while entering the house once again, Clyde followed.

"This is strong stuff. What did you give me?" I felt a little light headed after downing one cup, it felt like I was floating. I already felt a tipsy after that, I clung onto my wide-framed boyfriend.

"Woah, you didn't tell me you couldn't handle the booze. Your face is so red right now." He stated, we sat down at the couch. Craig and Tweek must've gone upstairs because they were gone when we came back again. Clyde encouraged me to rest a while before standing up again, which kind of sucked, I came here to party not to sit down.

"Come on Clydeeeee, let's dance." I dragged him to the crowded dance floor, the music blasted all my thoughts and worries away. I left my orange sweater jacket and green ushanka at the couch, the cold air hit my body in an instant but I didn't care. We moved to the beat, and I closed in on him with my arms on his shoulders. I could feel his breath hitch when I pressed our bodies together, our eyes met and my sultry ones met his.

"You look so sexy right now." He took the initiative and grabbed my butt, I felt his firm grip and I giggled,"I want to say the same for you."

"Ouch, that's harsh. I'm not the best looking but I still got your pretty little ass, baby." He stated, I leaned in closer and kissed his neck. The flirtatious banter just set the mood for the night, it was a heck of a party and it was going to be the best night ever. We danced, well we grinded all over each other, I felt something hard pressing against me.

"Naughty little thing." I whispered into his ear, he laughed and we decided to head upstairs. We went through some rooms and accidentally caught Craig and Tweek in the act, it was embarrassing but we quickly got over it and stumbled into an empty room. We fooled around, slowly stripping away the remaining layers of clothes while we explored each other's mouths.

"Did you lock the door?" I asked with my remaining sense of reason. He nodded profusely before letting me embrace him in my arms, our lips met as our bodies tangled together.

Maybe it was the alcohol in my system, I started seeing Stan's face projected onto Clyde's. I was beyond stunned, I felt like a cheater. I was sleeping with my boyfriend but my mind was wandering to someone else. It felt so wrong but so right at the same time, just go with it I convinced myself. Every time he called my name, I would hear Stan call mine, it just intensified the sensations much more. I felt like I was in euphoria. We had a great time and he was knocked out after we were done. I laid there awake and fully sober, in between the sheets with a snoring brunette. Thank God, no one walked in on us like Tweek and Craig.

'What am I doing?' I asked myself. I was going through a mid-life crisis justifying my actions. 

I'm still not over him, he was like a part of me.

"I'm so sorry Clyde."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	9. Is it too late now to say sorry?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan goes on another date with Wendy. He recalls some memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late update sorry! I've been lacking motivation.

STAN

My head was ringing when the sunlight hit my eyes through my window pane, I muttered with my croaky voice, "What time is it?" I glanced at the red blinking numbers beside my bed, my eyes took in the digits '12:00'. I groaned, and slowly got up from my untouched bed sheets. I was having a hangover after last night's drinking, my mouth was dry and I could confirm that the pungent smell in my room was from me. As far as I'm concerned, I should be fine since today was a Saturday. So, I had all the time to get ready and clean myself up from the mess I had been in.

Grabbing new clothes from my ginger wooden drawer, I tossed the old ones into the laundry bag. The bathroom wasn't a far stretch from my room so I just rushed over there, hoping no one would see my naked body in the corridor. The piercing cold metal of the shower knob contrasted the warm, running water splashed onto my face, as the heat set in, so as last night's drunk thoughts. I was sober enough to realise something felt quite wrong about the way I was thinking of Kyle. Sure, we have been friends for years, even though he had never come out to me that he was gay, we still talked about every topic together, whether it be about chicks or just video games we played together. It was quite disheartening to see us ending up in this stale and awkward state, Kyle had always been my right hand man and I just don't want to see him grow colder towards me. I regret everything I ever said to him, he must feel so wronged after that..

"Fuck...what have I done." Massaging my temples with my rough fingertips, I stopped the water and got out of the now steamy bathroom. With a towel wrapped snugly around my snatched waist I hurried to my room, coach has been whooping all our asses with extra practice lately, I guess to make up the game we lost a week ago.   
  
I pulled my comfy, blue shirt over my head and the coldness that surrounded my torso was cut off in an instant. My brows furrowed at the light beaming into my face when I glanced at my phone, I had messages from Wendy flooding my notifications. I groaned in annoyance and checked what I had to deal with today. Was it going to be about Bebe being skank or the new Justin Timberlake album? Girls.

‘Babe, let’s go for a date! A new movie is up, I wanna check it out.’

‘Babe, does this dress make me look cute?’

‘BABE!!! THIS CAT IS SO FREAKIN ADORABLE OMG!!’

‘BABEEE THIS SO US OMG.’

‘Why aren’t you replying me? Are you talking with some other bitch istg u don’t luv me anymore’

This is the life I need to live huh? I’d rather kill myself, but I can’t...I replied all her texts as fast as lightning, putting every necessary emoji and all the right sentences to calm her psychotic ass down, every trick from book that I could pull out I did. Eventually, she chilled out and I made up for it by accepting her for a date. I sighed as she excitedly went to get ready and left me on read, my plans for a relaxing, chill all day weekend were crushed. I quickly changed into something more fashionable (at least to my standards), and headed out after a fast breakfast. 

Upon arriving at her house, I knocked on the door and Mr Testaburger didn’t have a hint of excitement nor joy when his eyes landed on mine. I awkwardly greeted his dominant demeanour, “Nice to meet you, sir. I’m Stan Marsh.” 

“Randy’s son huh?”I could hear the dissatisfaction laced with his words as he spit out my name, I felt mildly uncomfortable and shifted my shoulders as I made my way into the homey living room. There were pictures of them during joyous family outings, trips to luxurious travel destinations and baby photos hanging on the yellow floral wallpaper. I sat down on one of the single sofas and dared not to look too relaxed as I could feel the murderous glare of my girlfriend's father. God, I've never wanted to leave someone's house faster.

"So..how is school?" Mr Testaburger was trying to break the silence in the room, not realising that it had only made the thick atmosphere even stiffer. 

"Well, everything's been great I guess...practice has been quite hard but I manage." He grunted at my answer, I wasn't sure if he was impressed or not but it didn't really matter to me anyway. Fear was coursing within my veins as time went by, my buttcheeks were so clenched I felt like I was doing a workout. We just sat there quietly without any conversation, my mouth watered at the sweet aroma of pastries that was floating around the house.

"Oh, Stan you're early! How have you been? You've grown so much taller. " Mrs Testaburger graced into the room, with her flour covered apron that she was wearing , I assumed she was baking up a storm as usual. She was a nice and warm towards me unlike her husband, she always had a smile on her face when she saw me.

"Hello, Mrs Testaburger. It's been quite a while." I smiled back, she took out some of her freshly baked cookies and insisted I had some. I had to admit, they were unworldly delicious. With every bite, the sweetness was melting in my mouth and then seeping into my taste buds. My mood improved significantly after having just one, I thanked and praised her cookies enthusiastically,"Thank you. They taste amazing!"

"Oh, you're flattering me!"She laughed,"Waiting for Wendy? I'll call her for you, that girl.." Wendy's mom stomped up the stairs and called for her. It had been about 15 minutes of me waiting since I got here, it was about time she was ready. I heard the sound of high heels clicking down the stairway, and Wendy who was dressed in a pink tight dress with bell sleeves was finally down. She had curled her usual straight hair to wavy curls and ditched the beret for some rose gold pins that matched her hoops, she had some light makeup on and looked fairly put together. 

"Babeeeee! You're here early." She launched into my arms, and it was hard ignoring the even more intense glare that was shot at me by her father. I dared not to touch her as I pointed out, "Yeah..I have been. Let's go shall we?"

"Yeah sure! Bye mom and dad." She grabbed her bag and waved goodbye to her parents and so did I, Mrs Testaburger waved happily while his husband just grunted. Finally, I thought.

We hopped on her car and she drove us to a nearby shopping mall. On the way to the cinema, Wendy proceeded to get distracted by various clothing shops while I kept getting dragged around like a rag doll. The game store had just released some new games and I was excited to check them out but I guess I might have a slim chance of doing so. We stopped by the cinema after some window shopping around the mall.

"Oh hey babe, look at this! Isn't this you and Kyle?" She pointed out, I glanced at the poster and was surprised. It was a poster of me, Kyle and all the other boys in elf and mage costumes. 

"Yeah, you never told me we were going to be checking out this movie." There were characters that we used to play as during fourth grade with Token's house as base, it was fun while it lasted and I remembered we did all kinds of crazy shit just to defend a stupid stick. Well, at least we got to beat Clyde's ass up for betraying us I guess, but I would've never known that the town would produce a movie for this.

"I did! You never listen to me.."She whined, I went to get us some tickets and popcorn. After that we headed into the dark cinema, and sat down while the advertisements played through the movie screen. I got some peace and quiet finally since Wendy wasn't going to blabber throughout the movie, I sank into my thoughts and memories once again.

It was just another snowy day here in South Park, me and the boys were bored out of our minds since school was out, Cartman had been binging on Game Of Thrones so he forced us to play that. It was fun, I got to be a warrior and Kyle was the king of the Drow Elves in our Elven Kingdom.

"My Lord, you mustn't rush to the front lines! Our kingdom is under attack!" I screamed as I held Kyle back, he had a crown made of twigs wrapped around his head. The humans from Kupa Keep had invaded our place, Cartman was leading his army and our elves were fighting back, it was a battlefield filled with blood and violence.

"No! I must stand with my people, they need me!" As more and more of our elves charged, more blood was spilled. His eyes were of fury and melancholy, his people was dying in front him. He lunged forward, releasing my grip on him as he ran into the mouth of hell. I quickly followed him, running into the fight with my sword, slashing enemies as I chased after him. He was rushing to Cartman, I think he was enraged at what he was doing and wanted to kill him.

"Fuck you Cartman!" He screamed as he launched himself forward to the stout Wizard King, at the corner of my eye I could see paladin Butters and Princess Kenny was ready to take him down. I couldn't let that happen! I had sworn that as a warrior of the Elven Kingdom, it was my responsibility to protect the King whatever the circumstances. 

"No!" I wrapped my arms on his waist and pulled him back, my back defending him from the hits that the duo was going to strike on him. It was excruciating but I held my tears back as we fell onto the dirt. My face was red with blood oozing out from the wounds, I quickly checked on Kyle and he was fine with only some light wounds. I yelled for Chris,"Chris! Protect the king and bring him back NOW!" 

He came in the speed of light and snatched a slightly dazed Kyle back to base, I stood up to continue fighting the humans. The humans only retreated when they became tired and Kyle's mom shooed them to go home. After the long, tiring war, our severely injured troops needed medical help. Whilst medics were treating them, I went to base to check on Kyle.

"How are you? Are you hurt?" I asked, the tent gave us some privacy and quiet. He shook his head an glanced at me," I should be asking you that..do you need a medic?" 

"They already wrapped me up. Check this out." I turned my back and lifted my shirt to show him my back that had been bandaged, blood was seeping through the pale dressing. He was in awe, I smiled and reassured him,"I'm fine, don't look at me like that!" 

"I'm sorry.." He croaked, "..if only I wasn't so impulsive." He felt responsible and definitely felt guilt with the large wound at my back, I patted his blue face,"Hey..at least it looks badass! And I promised to be there for you, you're my king." I felt a little flustered saying that, but it was true. 

"Thanks Stan, for protecting me and this." He gratefully acknowledged, before standing up and ruffling my black hair. I still have that scar on my back till now, it's a symbol of my sacrifice for our friendship. After that incident though, Butters and Kenny did apologise to me, and of course, Cartman just guffawed in my face.

My memories were abruptly halted when I felt Wendy tugging my arm for us to leave, the movie had ended and I didn't see a thing. Wendy kept talking about the movie and talking about how the actor who played me was so inaccurate, I went along with it as we headed for some food after at the mall. My head was still wandering as we indulged in the expensive but delectable food, one question was constantly on my mind though,'Is it too late now to say sorry?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this kinda basic fanfic to be honest haha, kudos and comments appreciated!


	10. Paper Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Pictures I'm living through for now,  
> Trying to remember all the good times,  
> Our life was cutting though so loud  
> Memories are playing in my dull mind  
> I hate this part, paper hearts'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii guys~I have been slacking off lately, I'm so sorry! I was going to give up on the fic before I saw all your warm comments! I'm so happy and thankful for them, this is so cheesy but you guys' comments really push me forward. Thank you so much <3 Enjoy

KYLE

"Where are we?" My vision was impaired as I wobbled, me and Clyde decided that another date would be ideal for our free weekend. From the second we got down his car, my eyes were blinded with a soft but thick fabric, I insisted that it was way too extra but he persisted. Every sensation was hundred times more obvious, and I wasn't sure if I liked that.

"It's a surprise, honey. We're almost there, be a little patient." He led me with his hand tugging me towards a certain direction. I felt the breeze that grazed my face, it felt like those warm, relaxing kind in Summer. Summer brought back a lot of pleasurable memories, the beach and sand...and-

"Come on Kyle, stop being such a pussy!" His black bangs were free from that usual beanie, his smile so bright that the sun would need to take a break. The boys had planned a summer getaway at a beach, we all paid for the resort but Kenny was poor, so each of us had to pay for him too, Cartman wasn't too happy but who cares about that fatass. The resort was by the beach and the view was amazing, you could see the horizon that separated the sky and sea, the warm sand beneath our feet was therapeutic and contrasted the hard cold floor in Southpark. Kenny was the first to rush to the beach with his pants off, throwing his entire body into the water, I remember Stan yelling and chasing after him,"Kenny, this isn't a nude beach!" 

I remember staying by the shore, putting out the rug and placing our stuff onto the soft sand, all of them had submerged themselves into tho huge body of water, the waves clashing together as they tried to spray one another with the salty liquid. To be frank with you, I wasn't a fan of the sea. I hated being soggy and wet, hated that I couldn't touch the bottom of the sea and feared for what would be underneath me since it was a never-ending abyss under me, it made me shiver thinking about it. The only reason I tagged along was I didn't want to miss out hanging out with my gang and especially because Stan loved the sea.

"Why's the jew staying on shore? Are you scared?" As usual, Cartman likes to aggravate me with his insults, even though I've gotten used to it, it still manages to make my blood boil. I shot back harshly, "Shut up you fatass!" Stan hurriedly dashed out from the water, the sunlight emphasized the lines on his body, making my face burn up a little. In denial of my infatuation towards my best friend, I looked away as he closed off the distance between us. Head still dripping with water, he tugged my hand and dragged me . 

“Come on Kyle! Prove the fatass wrong." He said with overloaded enthusiasm, I was beyond terrified and my body naturally started to go into fight or flight mode. "S..Stan I'm scared.."I embarrassingly admitted , his eyes spread wide and then closed into a rainbow, "It's ok, I'll lead you. We won't go too deep." 

At first, we merely walked around the beach, letting the small waves clash around my feet. When I got a little more braver, we started walking into the water, from my ankle slowly to my thigh and then my abdomen. I was still scared but not as much, Stan was accompanying me throughout the experience. He could've just left me ashore whilst he played with the guys but he didn't, it made me feel grateful and special. At the end of that day, I left with the proudness of conquering my fear and butterflies in my stomach. It was a memorable trip , we didn't know that wew were creating memories, we were just having fun.

I was pulled back to reality after I felt the tension of the tight cloth release, the sunset was painting the surroundings a warm gold color and I instantly recognised the place. "What are we doing here?" "You'll see."Our hands entangled as we slowly walked to the edge of the balcony, slumping our arms onto the solid tiles as our eyes feasted onto the gorgeous scenery. We were standing at a pavilion that faced the sea, it was the exact place I went with the guys one summer ago. It felt so weird now that I'm a different person than I was that previous year, and I'm here with Clyde. It was like the memories were contradicting each other and I felt an urge to cry when I thought of Stan.

"Babe, are you ok? Your eyes are red." Clyde lightly held my face and our eyes met, I could see his worried expression so I soothed his concern for me with a small peck on his cheek,"I'm just..very overwhelmed right now. Thanks for bringing me here, it's very pretty." He sighed, relieved,"I'm happy you like it, I asked the guys for a dating spot and they suggested this haha, hope this isn't too shabby for you."

"Don't say that, it's really amazing, the view." And the good times I had here with the boy I adored so much, it was amazing but it would never happen.

Why don't you appreciate the moment now Kyle? You have to move on now, don't shatter Clyde's heart like he did yours. Don'r ruin this, give yourself another chance.

We stood there snuggling while the sun slowly sunk into the horizon, the dark blue sky replaced its place and we knew it was our cue to head back. Back on the road we were, before taking me home, we had a humble dinner at a burger place. Clyde really did his research on the area, because this was the best burgers I had for years! The school's soggy, disgusting burgers could never compare to this baby, the cheese melted in my mouth with the meat juices, making a heavenly combination to blow your socks off. 

I arrived home at around 10pm, the place was quite far off our town so it was understandable, I just hoped everyone would be asleep when I stepped into the door. His car stopped right in front of my house, before leaving I kissed him and it quickly escalated to a full blown make out session, I had to stop him from sneaking into my house because he was so into it. I shyly waved him goodbye before his car sped off into the distance, I climbed up the dark stairway to my room, closing the door to not wake anyone up. Then, I launched myself to my bed, hiding my beet red face in the soft pillows like a girl.

He's so sweet.

After some time of freaking out and fangirling, I decided to drag my sticky body for a quick wash. While I was digging through the pile of clothes for a clean shirt, a crumpled piece of paper fell out of one of the jean pockets. Curious, I grabbed it to see what it was, grocery list? Math quiz? Turns out, it was neither but a picture of the four of us at the beach that summer. The feelings started to overlap again, just like waves, I felt this piercing, broken feeling again.

"I really can't forget you, and all the feelings I have for you Stan.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is quite short compared to the other chapters, hope that's okay. Thanks for reading.


	11. Love on the brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan fucked up again and he and Wendy have broken up, the whole school isolates him as he dwells in his addiction of alcohol. He bumps into Kyle in one of his drinking sessions in school and does the unimaginable, it tears their weak connection even farther.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING : TOPICS RELATED TO ABUSE, ALCOHOLISM AND DEPRESSION  
> Please proceed with caution or just skip it, I've provided a summary above for the people who are triggered by these topics. Viewer discretion is advised, and with all of these out of the way, let's gooooooooooo.

"Is that Stan Marsh? Oh my God, you know what he did to Wendy Testaburger? That jerk." As I walk through the crowded hallways, I could feel the disgust and distastefulness in the atmosphere, people were staring at me, gossiping with their friends the second they laid eyes on me. I pulled my beanie down in an attempt to lessen the shamefulness that I felt but it was no use, the truth was out and had to face it no matter what. I sprinted down the hallways, finally stopping to catch my breath when I spotted no sign of people at an empty block. Slumping down the walls, I curled myself in a ball and closed my eyes.

"Stan!! I'm here!" I heard that high-pitched voice again, it really pierced my eardrums. Rolling around the sheets lazily , I peeled my eyes to see who it was and not by surprise, it was Wendy. The light from the hall ways cast a shadow of her silhouette onto the floor, my room was dark with all the curtains shut tight, with empty whiskey bottles and dirty worn clothes scattered all around. I was unbothered of the mess around me, unlike everyone else that walked into my room. They kept nagging at me to clean up the mess, but there's comfort in the numbing pain I felt and I didn't have the energy to do such things. Ironically, the mess in my room was far milder from the mess in my head. I'd been spending my days just drinking the thoughts away, it was like a never-ending binge and the empty loneliness didn't help my situation either, all I had was Wendy and she only came when she wanted to rant about something, I really had to tell mom to stop letting her in.

"Babe! It's been so looooooong since our last date, aren't you going to take me out again?" She invited herself into my comfy, warm bed as she sat right beside me, her back laying against the hard bed frame. I was agitated by the bright lights and her squeaky voice, I just wanted to dwell in my sadness. The worst of all was I wasn't even really clear what I was sad about, after that awkward night ride home with Kyle and Clyde, this aching pain in my heart wasn't going away, it was like I was sick or something. I groaned and ignored her, rolling to my side to fetch more drinks to intoxicate myself. 

Wendy might have been triggered by my lack of response and started whining, "Staannnn, come on. Stop sleeping, would you?" Her arm tugged on my arm, the annoyance that built in me was starting to get out of control. Nonetheless, I used the most soft tone I could to ask her to close the doors, but she wouldn't budge and straddled my torso. 

"I'm not going to until you give me a rep-" I don't really remember what happened, maybe it was the alcohol or the overlapping waves of aches in my head but I had enough. All the rage in me just burst in that second, I had turned into an unrecognisable monster. When I had regained my consciousness and logic, Wendy was on the floor with tears pooling in her eyes, her right cheek was red and swollen. I still remember her eyes of hatred and regret in her eyes as she sprinted out the house as fast as she could, it was like I was stuck as I stood there, all I could read from her eyes were 'why?' , and I have been questioning myself that too. 

I remember me throwing myself back onto the bed, remorse filled me to the brim, 'what had I done' I kept asking myself. I had became the very man I swore not to be, my father. I never realised I had been crying until I tasted the saltiness on my tongue, I lost the last person that truly cared about. I had already lost Kyle, and now even Wendy...what have I done to myself and my life? I had no answers and no one to ask for guidance.

From day on, the news spread like wild fire, everyone knew that I had been the shittiest boyfriend in existence and they truly despised me for that. I don't blame them though, I deserved this treatment. Ironically enough, me and Wendy started dating again when I was shitfaced and now it ended when I was shitfaced too. All the boys ignored me after that, even Cartman and Kenny, they all didn't want to be associated with someone like me ; the girls on the other hand would give me the meanest and dirtiest of looks and comments whenever I passed through anywhere, they even threw things at me once. I chose to ignore everything, the teachers were worried and informed my parents but they didn't know that my parents really didn't give a shit about me. Everyday was the same, getting drunk every night just to have a hangover next day, I didn't know how long my liver could take before finally shutting down but I really didn't care anymore, maybe it was better that way. The world was a blur and nothing seemed to be important enough for me to care, everyday was like a dream but a bad one. I would even skip classes sometimes to take a sip from my secret stash of booze, it was the only thing that made me sane.

I was killing myself, destroying every part of me and every aspect of my life, but why didn't I care? Why didn't I feel like changing? Why was I stuck in this cycle again?

'Who would care about you Stan Marsh? You're nothing but trash.' I could hear these voices in my head, taunting me and insulting me. I drank more, just to shut them up. 

'If only Kyle was here, he would know what to do..' I mumbled to myself, my head still laying against the cold walls, class had already begun and as usual I wasn't going to participate. After checking for no trace of sound, I patted myself clean and went to fetch some of my stash for a drinking session. 

'Kyle would never come for you, he's with Clyde now, a better friend and an even better boyfriend.‘ the voice started to speak again, it hit a soft spot in me and my heart ached like hell. I could handle all the other people saying I was a jerk but the person I really didn't want to hate me was Kyle. Just imagining him in front of me, his eyes looking at me with revulsion as the words 'ew' was enough to drive me crazy. He never gave up on me even when I was in the lowest point in life, he was always there to pull me back up. This time though, he was not here anymore. 

The sunlight spraying from the windows illuminated multiple shadows onto the white concrete floor, I casually walked the empty hall ways with a bag of whiskey in my hands. When I had reached a suitable spot in one of the bathroom stalls, I threw my bag onto the piss-stained floors and started to drink away. One bottle, two bottles...it didn't matter how many there were, I could always have another. The walls were covered with spray painted words and imagery, it wasn't anything special though, everyone in school had at least done it once or twice. I remember when we were sophomores, me and the gang would sometimes spray stupid shit on the walls and get in trouble, we'd always get away with it and it was one of our favorite past times. I really wished we could go back, when we were still together as a gang and when me and Kyle weren't like this.

After that trip from memory lane, I had already chugged down about three bottles. I was out of my head and wobbling all over, it was like I was dancing but really badly. I tried to grip onto the stall door frame but instead I fell onto something softer than the door. Peeling my eyes open, I went to see who it was as I gripped even harder onto the person's jacket to stabilize myself from falling.

"Stan?" Fiery red curls that were slipping through the sides of his green ushanka were the first thing I saw, then the second was his shocked green eyes, it was the one I had been wanting to see for ages. I wrapped my arms around him as all the feelings of longing welled up in me, and escaped through my eyes to wet his jacket, "I've missed you so much Kyleeee." I slurred.

"Get a hang of yourself dude, I-" That was the moment that our fragile friendship shattered to pieces again, I stepped out of line. 

I kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like the story so far! I've been quite busy with school life so sorry for the short chapter lately, I'll try to write more if I have time, thanks for always tuning in <3 see u next week.


	12. Ghostin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle and Clyde were hanging out together but the jovial mood was killed off because of Stan's recklessness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~ I'm back for another chapter!

KYLE

"Honey, I'm sorry I'm late!" Burrowing my head into the little device in my hands, I snapped up to see a smiling Clyde rushing towards my direction with bags of freshly-baked buns, it made my tummy growl at the delicious smell of them. Behind him was his gang that followed, recently I've been hanging out more with them now since Kenny's been busy with Butters and Cartman..Uhhh,I don't really know either. We had reached a mutual agreement with each other to wait outside the main doors before heading in for classes.

They always carpooled to come to school, while I chose to take the daily bus. Token had offered to fetch me too, but it was too much fuss so I declined. All of the gang waved at me as a greeting whilst they got off Token's purple car, it had yellow striped at the side which made it look so slick and cool. Damn, he was filthy rich. 

Clyde skipped happily to me like a little girl and stuffed my arms with the buns, I wanted to laugh at him for his girly behaviour but couldn't resist the urge to devour the buns, "These smell amazing! Where did you get them from?"

"Oh, Tweek's parents had baked extras and told us we could have them." Tweek's parents operated a coffee shop in town, I heard a rumor that they made their coffee with narcotics but I've never been brave enough to try them. 

"Thanks for the free breakfast." I pressed a kiss onto his cheek, his face lit up in an instant.

"Anything for you." He smiled as our hands entwined.

All of us headed into the busy hallways, Tweek and Craig were just flirting as usual, with Tweek sometimes ticking ; Token, Jimmy and Clyde were arguing over some random topics as they always did and I was just there biting into the sweet bread. 

Passing through, I heard some chattering that were a little too loud for me to accidentally eavesdrop, "Is that Stan Marsh? He looks terrible!" 

"Yeah, I heard he and Wendy Testaburger broke up again! This time because he abused her, what a pathetic jerk!" 

"Oh my God, really?" I was equally shocked as the girl who said that, broke up? Abuse? That didn't sound like the Stan Marsh I would know, he would never do that! I felt the urge to tell the girls to shut up and get their facts right but I couldn't possibly do that, it's been too long since our last encounter. It had been a month since that happened, I really didn't know what has happened to him. 

'Why should I care about him? It's none of my business anymore.' I reassured myself, going through my locker for my Math books.

'But do you really don't care Kyle?' 

In a split second, I saw him, he was dragging his sickeningly skinny body around the place, his skin was pale and the bags around his eyes were horrendous. He looked unbelievably sick, it worried me to see him like that. Sure, I could hide it all I could but I knew I still had a soft spot for him, even if we couldn't be each other's love interest, the least we could be were regular friends?

'I don't like him anymore. I don't like him. ‘ I told myself. Days with Clyde felt relaxing and carefree, no longer did I feel the pressure of accidentally outing myself or my feelings. I didn't know if I really believed that statement or not, but maybe talking with him would confirm it. I was firm with my feelings now, I knew I liked Clyde not Stan, so maybe I could fix this. It hurt me to see him destroying himself again. Even after that, he was once one of my greatest friends, I wasn't as heartless as Cartman was.

"I'll talk to him after school."I mumbled to myself, as I watch his weak body slowly start to disappear into the crowd. The school bell rang and I rushed for Maths, kissing Clyde goodbye before the departure. Classes went on and the thought hadn't been on my mind.

~.~

"Shhh...we'll get caught Clyde." I signalled the brunette who was cheekily smiling back at me, he laid his head in the crook of my neck. I felt this wave of embarrassment wash over me, and then pain on my skin, my brows knitted together.

"We'll only get caught if you make too much noise." He licked at the bite mark which he was so proud of, my face was crimson red with what he did. I playfully pushed him away and continued on the rows among rows of books, finding the reference book I needed for an essay. School had ended an hour ago, the place was almost as quiet and empty as a graveyard, me and Clyde decided to stay back for some studying while the others all headed home. Clyde suggested that I help him brush up his math, and we were until he started to get all handsy and flirty. Well, not like I was really complaining.

"Focus babe, you have a quiz tomorrow. We can kiss later." Pet names were one of the things I was getting used to calling him, we settled down on a place near one of the windows. The library was very quiet with close to no one in the seats, only a few librarians sitting at the front and arranging books. Math questions sheets, reference books and stationery laid around messily on the table, me and Clyde were exhausted after two hours of studying. I stood up and stretched from my seat., Clyde noticed and told me,"Babe, I'm going to rest for a while. Wake me up after 15 minutes." I nodded and told him,"I'm going to head to the toilet for awhile, be right back."

Walking out the library, I headed straight towards the nearest toilet. The block I was in was famous for scary ghost stories, a cold chill ran down my spine when I recalled that.

'Just finish quick and you'll be fine.' I told myself, standing in front of the urinal. There were some weird noises coming from the half-lit stalls, my muscles tensed up in an instant, the adrenaline that filled my small frame was hitting me with huge doses. Whatever was behind that stall, I didn't want to find out. I quickly zipped up my pants and headed for the sink, the soothing hot water contrasted my clammy, cold palms. I was ready to get fucking outta of the creepy place, but I felt curiosity crawl up my head and my body started to move by itself as it neared the rustling stall. Before I could swing the door open and investigate what was inside, the unknown creature threw itself on me and I uncontrollably let out a shrill scream that echoed.

I froze, just standing there as the 'thing' slowly unravelled it's face to me. I was expecting the worst, pale skin with blood shot eyes and spiky teeth like the toilet ghost that everyone spread rumors about. I was ready to accept my fate before I opened my eyes and saw someone who matched the description of what I had said but minus the teeth,"Stan?" His signature blue and red combo was ingrained in me since preschool, and I recognised his jet black hair. He seemed like he didn't have any motor skills as he kept pushing himself onto me, I tried to hold him still but he kept wobbling around with his slurred speech,"I missed yoooooooooou Kyleeeeeeeeee." 

He wasn't in his right mind and I could smell that, the alcoholic stench on his body was overpowering. He was intoxicated and needed help, I haven't seen him like this since the first time he and Wendy broke up, the breakup must've really fucked him over. I tried to make him come to his senses but it was too late as he did what I never expected he would-

His lips pressed onto mine, we..we kissed.

'What?' was the first thing that came on my mind before I shoved his heavy body onto the ground, my eyes welled up with tears and I started sobbing ,"What do you take me for? You think you can just throw me away for a girl when you want and get me back when you want? Who do you think you are, playing with my feelings like this?"

He must've gotten a bit sober after hearing me go off at him, he grabbed my hand,"Kyle, wait, I-"

"I'm done! You know, I've always loved you since we were younger..but I don't think I can anymore."Thrashing away from his grip, I dug my palms into my wet eyes,"I'm so tired of you meddling my life and controlling my feelings, you were the one that left me...you were the one that got all up in my nose about Kenny..Why must you ruin my life like this? I'm happier without you, I'm happy with Clyde because I finally get to be myself...So, why Stan? Why do you have to destroy this?" 

He looked at me in awe as he tried to process the words I was saying, a wipe of regret appeared on his face,"I'm...I'm sorry Kyle.."

"Just leave me alone, please. It was wrong for me to want to help you...I despise you." I dashed out of the restrooms, with red eyes and runny nose.

It was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and tuning in <3 Kudos and comments are appreciated!


	13. Bad Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan has pushed himself into isolation, depressed and exhausted, a certain someone visits...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this isn't usually when I upload but I've been quite excited so Imma just post it now~ I'll be posting randomly now but don't worry, I'll upload every week still!

STAN

I didn't remember what the outside world looked like as the beaming light of the computer shined onto my face, casting a blueish tint onto my dark under eyes. My fingers moved momentarily like I had done a thousandth time, when was the last time I slept? I didn't remember. The clothes pile around me was growing as time went by, it was getting hard to travel between my chair to my door but it wasn't like I really stood up for anything. It was the usual routine, wake up, play games, sleep; occasionally I would go empty my bladder from all the Redbull I had consumed. All the empty cans scattered over the floor just reflected how long I've been up, 18 hours or so? I didn't remember. My mom had confiscated all the alcohol but she didn't say anything about energy drinks, it wasn't as fun as Whiskey but the caffeine was a nice kick too.

Staring blankly at the screen, my mind had wandered faraway from the game I was playing. The darkness hugged me tightly, I wanted to stop this but there was comfort in the panic. It felt uncomfortable trying to recover, I've just given up on everything, there wasn't anything left for me to care about, my grades, my aspirations, my role as team leader and all my relationships...I've sabotaged them with my bare hands, and there wasn't any way I could salvage them. In these unproductive nights and days, one thing was for sure, I had come to terms with my feelings towards Kyle. All these years, I've always felt that he was special, but I could never pin point the uniqueness of my captivation. After that encounter with him at the restroom, I finally realized my subconscious feelings. The regret I felt was immense, but I couldn't get myself to go see him and apologise, fearing that he would reject me in my face. Now I knew how he felt when we fought over me getting together with Wendy, now I knew that he was jealous...But now, it was my turn to taste all the bitter and sour taste of envy and sadness. 

I liked him, more than friends kind of attraction, I was infatuated with all the little things he would do, I wanted him as my own, I had a big fat crush on him. It was depressing thinking back to all the times we hung out that I didn't realize he actually did like me back then, it was so obvious but I was as dense as a brick. And now, he is happily dating Clyde, which is understandable I mean look at me, I hadn't properly washed myself for days and the clothes I was wearing were all stained with either Chinese take out or Redbulls. My body wasn't what it used to be, I was weak and sickly and my face was breaking out. Why would he date a slob like me? Clyde was decently good-looking, with an ideal body and with skills I didn't have..Yeah, sure he might not be the smartest guy in school but he surely was the most athletic. I was nothing beside him, Kyle deserved better anyways...

"Stanley, someone's here to see you." The bright corridor bathed me with the light, it stung my eyes but slowly I got used to it. There stood the one and only, Kenny Mccormick, still in his orange parka with the hood over his face, his icy blue eyes met my jet black ones and I could see the shock but it slowly died down. I assumed he was used to seeing messes because of the area he lived in, he had seen too much for his age.

"What have you done do yourself this time?" Mom left after opening the door and Kenny closed it, dragging his feet in the piles of shirts, crumples of papers and cans. He seemed unfazed, eventually sitting down beside me, "You're not on needles right?" He put down his hood, revealing his face and the plaster that was on it. 

"No."I answered shortly, he nodded his head like some weight was off his chest. He glanced around, scanning for suspicious things before opening his mouth again, "Good, you live in a mess like this? It's even messier than my house." 

Shame washed over my face and I looked down to stare at my feet, it was embarrassing letting him see me in this state. The TV screen stopped at a window, asking if I wanted to continue or not. I heard a long sigh,"Do you know why I'm here?"

I shook my head.

"Remember your coach? You haven't been showing up for practice for weeks now, he thought you were bedridden or something...and then he asked Kyle to come check up on you." Hearing Kyle's name made my eyes light up for a second, but then I figured he wouldn't have came anyway..

"Hey, don't look so disappointed because I'm here, you dumbass. Kyle asked me to come because he couldn't possibly ask Cartman." He knocked my head lightly, looking kind of annoyed. Kenny was a nice guy, sure he always got into trouble but it was because he couldn't leave us alone to do our shenanigans. We were a team.

"How has Kyle been doing?" I asked, not making any eye contact. He was quiet for a while, leaning back for a much more cozy position, "What about him? You finally opened your eyes and stopped being so oblivious? It was about time." He huffed.

"Yeah...I'm an idiot." I acknowledged that as a fact, I felt like a joke.

"Yeah, you are." Kenny brushed some of the trash aside, "But, you can turn it around."

"I don't think so...I can't face anyone right now." I continued on, "Everyone in school hates me, even the goths ignore me...Now, Kyle is going to hate my guts for sure."I buried my teary eyed face into my jeans, soaking the hard fabric a deep blue. 

"Stan, look at me." The blonde patted my shoulder, and I looked up just to feel this hot sting on my face. It took me a quick minute to register that I had been slapped in the face by him, the shock was greater than the pain. 

"What the fuck-"Before I could finish my sentence, I felt this warm embrace around me with the sentence, "Everyone is worried about you, Stan. Kyle has been down in the dumps for days, he told me that he regrets everything. Please, just get a hang of yourself."

The thought of someone caring was enough for me to burst into tears, I felt joy and sadness as the tears travelled down my face, I felt like a human. I didn't feel as empty or hollow as I was before, like a soul trapped in this body, feeling nothing but an abyss of murk. It stopped after some time, and I gained my composure back while awkwardly smiling at Kenny's reaction from his now wet shoulder.

"Thank you Kenny." 

"Well, we're still friends aren't we?" He smiled smugly, cleaning his shoulder with some of the tissues I had around.

"Now, we need to talk about Kyle, is that ok with you?" He asked straightforwardly, cut to the chase personality he had. Kyle was still a sensitive subject, I felt that my heart would shatter to pieces if he said something wrong. But, I knew, if I didn't start to accept and just run away, it would only get worse. It was time to accept reality and get over it. Sure, it was going to hurt like hell, but it would hurt more if I didn't.

"Yes." I nodded, "I am ready."

"That's good...You do know you were kind of a jerk to him, don't you?" He asked sarcastically, I nodded.

"You owe Kyle an apology. It's not completely over like you think it is, you still have a shot at this, to save you guys' friendship. You have to suck it up and be a man Stan." Kenny advised me with the kindest and most gentle way possible, he was like a mother and I was the child who did a mistake. 

Mistakes are mistakes, but they can always be corrected.

"Yes, I understand." I had to muster all the courage in me, it was finally time to get out of this hell hole.

"Good, you can start by cleaning up this and yourself. Quit the energy drinks and alcohol." He said and made sure I followed through with it, I nodded again. A contented smile on his face, he pulled his hood over and stood up. I did the same and opened my door, he briefly exited the corridor and headed for the stairs.

"I know it'll take time but you need to get over Kyle. It's hard, I know. But, you can still be with him, just not as a boyfriend but friends. Try to be happy for him, Clyde really is a good loving boyfriend to him." Before he left, he gave me another piece of advice. Hearing that made my heart break a little not going to lie, I loved Kyle. But, if I really loved him, I would let him go and be happy right?

Kenny left after that, I stood in front of my room if it still resembled one at least. I took a good look, and my face scrunched up at the pungent stench How could I let myself go that much? And how did Kenny endure that? Get it together Stan! Full of energy now, I went to get some garbage bags and cleaning supplies for a major cleaning session. I took out all the empty cans and paper that filled the room, disgusting creepy crawlies were found plaguing some of the them, making it their home. Well, sucks to be them because they'll have to move.

After some hours of cleaning, my room looked fairly decent, you could see the floors now at least. Exhaustion crawled from every inch of my body, decaying me with grogginess. Before I slumped into the bed and drifted into dream land, I didn't forget to text that person that I held so deeply in my heart. Every word was thought out through since I didn't want to stumble over my words and anger him even more, in the end I decided that a short but informative message was ideal. With all of the bravery I had left, I hit that sent button and two ticks were immediately apparent.

'I know we need to talk...Is Wednesday ok? Stark's Pond, 5pm. See you there.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! The reason I'm updating this fic today is:  
> 1\. I miss u guys  
> 2.Chinese New Year's around the corner and I'm going to celebrate~  
> To anyone who celebrates CNY, 新年快乐 恭喜发财 身体健康<3  
> Anyways, luv u guys <3 Tune in next week


	14. Make Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle is messed up after the encounter with Stan. Clyde tries to form a plan to patch things together between them but accidentally discovers something shocking.

KYLE

There were more emotions in me than an old man experiencing a mid life crisis, dashing through the clear hallways with lightning speed as the tears from my eyes dripped all over the place. The only thing I could comprehend in his mess was, ‘I need Clyde right now.’

Hoarse breaths escaped my lips with every footfall, finally I reached back to the library. It was still as quiet as ever, I hesitated going in since my face was a swollen mess right now. Filled in my head were just questions that I had no answers to, ‘Why did Stan kiss me? What does he want from me? Why?’

“Honey? It’s been over ten minutes, the librarian is-What happened?” Slowly the metal door creaked open, Clyde exited the room with our bags just to see my red face filled with snot and tears. Dismayed and confused, he held my shoulders and checked every inch if my body to make sure I didn’t have any scratches, bruises or lacerations. 

No words or any comforting response was able to come out of my throat, it was like something had cut my vocal cords off. All I managed to say was repeatedly apologise, “I’m so sorry Clyde.”

“Are you ok, Kyle? Does something hurt? You gotta tell me, babe.” He hurriedly and anxiously kept checking, he was obviously oblivious to what had happened to me. I didn’t have the courage to tell on Stan, I didn’t want to make things even worse nor amplify the corrosive guilt that was melting me away. I couldn’t face the disgust and rage he would have if I did tell him. I only had him now.

“I love you, Clyde. I’m so sorry...Please, don’t be mad...don’t leave me.” Wrapping my arms around him in the dimly-lit corridor, it was like time had stopped temporarily. I could focus only on his heartbeat and nothing else, the clutter in my mind stopped mattering just for awhile. 

“I’d never leave you Kyle. No matter what you do, and especially not because you took too long in the toilet. I love you too.” His big arms held my petite body, our bags thumped to the ground. It was a cozy feeling in my heart that overthrew the guilt, the guilt of feeling a spark when being kissed by Stan, the guilt of me leaving Clyde in the dark and the guilt that he wasn’t the one I truly loved. 

I could never make it up to him, I felt like a jerk to him. He loved me whole-heartedly but here I was...being a shit boyfriend to him.

Did I really love him? I knew the answer but I was too scared to admit it. 

Would he really never leave me?

~.~.~

CLYDE

“What’s happened to your lover boy?” Craig’s nasally voice entered my eardrums, hoping Kyle wouldn’t notice. The gang and us were currently chilling at Token’s, it was Friday night and we decided to have a sleepover with a gaming console and snacks. All of us were huddled together at Token’s living room with no lights on, a horror movie was on. Me and Kyle were covered with blankets and he snuggled in my arms as I rested my chin on his head, his eyes locked on the screen lifelessly like a corpse, either he was bored or he was daydreaming again. Craig and Tweek were cuddled up in a bean bag beside us, Tweek being the scaredy cat he was just hid his face under the covers while Craig held him in his arms. Token, an avid horror movie fan, was way in front as he stared at the screen with enthusiasm and curiosity, the jump scares didn’t make him flinch an inch. Jimmy on the hand, was sitting at the back with his phone out, writing down jokes or something.

“Don’t call him that, he’s my baby.” Craig looked at me disgustingly as I said those words, me and him exited the room for a quick bathroom break. “Bathroom break” was just an excuse for him to stick his nose into me and Kyle’s relationship details, well, especially Kyle’s weird behaviour lately.

I admit that I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, but it doesn’t take a genius to tell something was off about him. No longer did he looked like he could sleep well, his purple under his eyes grew as nights went; his facial expressions were limited to a blank face or furrowed brows with a big frown. Worry and pain bloomed in my heart when I saw these, it was like he changed into another person in one night. I still didn’t know what really happened that day when he came back from the bathroom crying.

“Yeah,yeah...baby, honey, whatever. What have you done to him? He looks like he hasn’t slept in days, keep your raging dick in your pants man.” He rested his arm on the kitchen counter, smirk on his face as he teased me. I rolled my eyes, “What? No, dude! Stop labelling me as you.”

“I don’t do that!” He shot back, “Besides, you always did that with your exes. Not to mention, in weird places too. I assumed you would go back your old ways, remember Bebe? Now that was funny.” 

Bebe Stevens, one of my exes, was a girl with blond curly hair. She was popular with Wendy Testaburger as her best friend, we used to date before we both called it quits. Yeah, she was ok I guess, at least she wasn’t as clingy and controlling as Wendy, I’d kill myself instead. The sex was pretty good, the other things were just stale and we didn’t have anything spark outside the bedroom. So, after the break up we continued as friends with benefits for awhile.

“Oh come on, that was one time! I forgot to lock the door that one time and you caught me.” It was when we were sophomores, it was the usual sleepover but that time I brought Bebe with me. Things got out of hand when the atmosphere grew heavy because of a love scene, we stumbled into one of Token’s guest rooms kissing and all. Everything was going well before the door suddenly swung open, and there I was, butt naked with a topless Bebe lying on the bed horrified. Craig just stood there, staring at my face with awe, it went from one to a hundred in a second. In was indeed, the worst sexual encounter ever.

“Besides, who are you to talk? Remember Token’s party when me and Kyle caught you guys?” I jeered at him, he flipped me the bird.

“What’s so special about Broflovski that you haven’t destroyed his ass yet?” He asked, finding extra snacks in the fridge to bring back for Tweek. 

“Please, it’s not like I fuck everything that moves Craig.” I rolled my eyes again at him. To be frank, I didn’t know why I was so in love with him, it was like it just clicked in my head one day, and I was madly attracted to him. Something about him just made him unique from all the other people I’d been with, maybe it was the little grunts he would do when he was annoyed, maybe it was his red puffy cheeks when he was embarrassed, or maybe it was that content feeling I felt when he smiled happily in my arms. He was so different, those jade eyes with fiery red curls spoke volumes of his beauty and confidence. He was opinionated and headstrong, although short-tempered but still soft-hearted, all these qualities made me fall head over heels for him. If he was anyone else, I don’t think I would feel the same.

“Oh my God, that smile on your face, makes me want to slap you.” He playfully acted like he was going to vomit, I flipped him off like he did with me and both of us returned back.

“Have you heard about Stan Marsh? I heard gossips about him not attending school anymore, Mr Mackey even went for a house visit.” Token, Tweek and Kyle were sitting in a circle chatting. I overheard their conversation and gazed at Kyle, he looked mildly bothered when that name was brought up. I sat down behind him and joined in he conversation, “What happened?”

“Stan Marsh, you didn’t know? I heard they even con-con-con-confiscated his stash of alcohol in his locker.” Jimmy added, not moving from his previous position. Stan Marsh? Sure, we did get into fights sometimes, and we had our up and downs but I never thought under his shining reputation of being team leader, he was an alcoholic.  
“Hey, I thought Kyle and Stan were best friends. Did you know about that?” Craig asked. All our eyes motioned to Kyle, he was obviously caught off guard with that sudden question. His widened eyes shot to the ground, with an awkward and nervous smile he answered, “Oh...yeah, he used to be quite addicted. I didn't know he was drinking again though.”

“Oh, didn’t know bout that.” Token replied shortly, they continued on talking and abandoned the horror film. Throughout the conversation, Kyle kept quiet which was off, he loved expressing his views but lately he’s been acting so reserved. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen him and Stan talk since we’ve started dating, I almost never see them hang out together anymore. Is it because of our relationship, so it caused a rift in theirs? Maybe I’ve occupied their time to hang out? Is it because of me? 

Midnight stuck and all of us decided to hit the sack, Token’s house was able to house all of us so we were lucky to have our individual rooms, me and Kyle shared one room, Craig and Tweek too, while the other two slept separately. Kyle laid down on the king size bed, crawling under the covers when I switched the lights off.

“Goodnight.” He bid, turning to the side, I was big spoon and he was the small spoon.

“Kyle.” Curiosity got the better of me, I wanted to know if what I thought was accurate. I wanted confirmation, affirmation, more importantly, an answer. 

“Yeah?” He asked, sleepy tone present in his voice. He sounded so exhausted, I didn’t know if it was only physically or mentally though.

‘What really happened between you and Stan? Why were you crying last time? It’s ok if you want to hang out wth Stan. ’ There were so much questions and stuff that I didn’t dare to ask nor say. In the end I just bid him goodnight, “Nothing, wanted to say goodnight. Love you.”

“Mmph.” He fell asleep after that, I was awake all night with more and more questions circulating my head. It was a sleepless night, but I managed to come to a perfect solution. If I could help patch things up for them, then maybe Kyle would smile again, he smiled a lot when he was with Stan. If they’re good again, maybe he’ll become the bright boy I knew he was.

Proud of myself, I felt like the sleepiness growing on me. I closed my eyes with a smile, knowing I had a plan to fix this. But, what I didn’t know was what came next would make me spiral down the hole of insomnia again. It was the first time I really knew what the word ‘distraught’ meant.

“I love you Stan...I’m so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone~ I hope you enjoyed the new chapter! Kudos and comments are appreciated as always, thanks for reading <3


	15. Fake Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde decided to take matters into his own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my lovelies~ This chapter is kind of short because it’s rushed, sorry~ I hope it isn’t too bad.

CYLDE

“Bye babe.” Kyle kissed my face as he left for his homeroom. I smiled and waved him goodbye. The hallway was filled with students, it was last period and everyone was rushing to homeroom. Some of them groaning and complaining about teachers and boring classes, me and some of my teammates were hanging out at the locker. All of us were trying to put off 

“Oh, one more thing.” He turned his head to give me a heads up, “I’m not carpooling with you guys after school today. Anyways, bye again.”

“Bye.” I waved to him as I saw him disappear within the crowd.

"Clyde, are you going to prom this Friday? I can't wait." One of the guys on the team asked enthusiastically, Friday was two days away and I hadn’t had time to ask Kyle out yet. I was still dazed from that night. I haven't able to focus throughout the day, there were so many instances that I walked into walls. The teachers kept checking up on me since I looked out of head. I can already imagine how many slipups I'm going to have at practice today, just thinking about Mr Williams screaming in my face is damn frustrating. 

"Yeah...I am. Catch you later in practice." I said as convincingly happy as I could, painting on a fake smile as I left my locker.

I wandered around aimlessly. I felt like the world was grey and plain. I felt so hollow and sad. Had Kyle loved Stan all this time? Is that the reason he had been so depressed before? Then why did he accept my confession? I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. When I reevaluated our relationship, I realised I only knew him skin deep. The only person that knew Kyle more than his own family was Stan, and that feeling of inferiority left a sour taste in my mouth. 

"Hey, Clyde." Bebe and her friends greeted me as they passed by and I waved back. Suddenly, a hand grabbed onto my shoulder and I jumped. I snapped my neck to see the boy with the red poof ball hat. Well, speak of the devil.

"Hi Clyde." His tone was dead serious. I heard he had gone back to school but I never ran into him till now. He looked more healthy and energised than before, he had regained some of his lost weight and finally didn't look like a stick. I was caught off guard but tried to recompose myself, "Oh, hey Stan!" 

"I need to talk to you, do you have a quick second? It's about Kyle." He asked hurriedly.

"Yes, what about Kyle?" I crossed my arms together, eyeing the latter. 

He looked rather nervous, "Is it ok if I me and Kyle meet up at Stark's Pond to talk for awhile? I...have something that I need to say to him. I wanted to inform you in advance so you wouldn't get mad."

Meet up? Why didn’t Kyle tell me earlier? Was he keeping this a secret from me?

"Why can't you guys just settle it in school?" I raised my brow. 

I couldn’t deny that I felt envious towards him. What was so great about him? Why did Kyle like him? What is it that he can do and I can't? Why is he the one that Kyle loved?

"It's private. And, we used to always talk there ." He explained.

I didn't know what to say, I didn’t want to be a control freak boyfriend. Even if I didn’t know if our relationship was a mutual one, I still had genuine feelings towards him. All I wanted was for him to be happy, so I agreed, “Yeah, ok.”

"Thanks man, appreciate it." The light in his eyes gleamed with joy. For a split second, I felt all the anger rally up in me. My arm gripped his and he looked back at me with surprise, “Is there something else?”

So many ideas immediately flooded my mind, it was like a little devil whispering in my ear, ‘You know you could just punch him.’ 

I wanted to, but how could I? It wasn’t his fault. The world was unfair, and I just had to accept that even if it hurt like hell.

"Nothing." I smiled and released my grip, "Good luck patching things up with Kyle."

"Thanks man."

~.~

“How was practice- Woah, you look all beaten up. What happened to your pretty face?” Craig asked as he laid lazily against Token’s car, we all carpooled home together. I dragged my exhausted body to the parking lot while I ignored his mockery.

“Shut up, Craig. Mr Williams was being a little bitch today.” It was a partial truth. My performance today was less than satisfactory, I kept daydreaming and missing my turns. Long story short, I got my ass kicked by him when he finally got enough of my bullshit. For sure I was going to have severe muscle pain tomorrow.

“What? I was just asking. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.” He continued to annoy me as he and Tweek got up the seat beside me. I stared out of the window as the car moved, Tweek and Craig were flirting like no tomorrow while Jimmy and Token chatted. 

“Hey, where’s Kyle? I thought he was car pooling with us?” Token brought this up suddenly, I answered plainly, “He’s busy settling things with Stan. So I think he's walking with Stan together.”

“Oh, he and Stan are talking again? Goo-good for them.” Jimmy stuttered. I nodded, there was still something lingering in my head like what private matters that Stan and Kyle were going to talk about.

“Hey Token.” 

“Yeah?” He asked, eyeing me from the rear view mirror.

“Could we go to Starks Pond? I have some things I need to sort out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Sorry again for the rushed chapter, I’ll try to manage my time next time. Kudos and comments appreciated <3


	16. Epiphany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Kyle helps resolve the misunderstanding between Kenny and Butters, he experiences an epiphany which leads him to accept Stan’s request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys~ I’m back with a longer chapter!

KYLE

'I know we need to talk...Is Wednesday ok? Stark's Pond, 5pm. See you there.' My eyes widened with surprise when I saw my phone, I almost fell from my bed seeing that text. 

Stan texted me? And he wants to meet up? On Wednesday? Isn't that today? 

My fingers just lingered on top of my phone momentarily, I didn't know if I wanted to accept the offer. Heck, I didn't even know if I was ready to meet up with him..But to be honest, will I ever be after that encounter in the men's bathroom? I didn't know if I was able to be alone with him ..What would he do to me if we were alone? Just recalling him pinning me against the wall made my stomach churn. I definitely wasn't ready. 

I tried to shake off that uneasy feeling by making myself busy, Clyde and the guys were going to arrive at any minute and I didn't want to keep them waiting. I eyed my reflection and tried smiling as big as I could. My cheerful appearance didn't match up with what I felt inside but nonetheless there just wasn't any space nor time to think about it. As quickly as I could, I changed into my usual attire and sped down the stairs for breakfast. Mom was busy preparing Ike for school, she was rushing up and down the house like a mad woman, she didn't even hear me leave the house. Well, typical Mornings.

"Hey Token, Jimmy. Tweek and Craig." I greeted them as soon as I hopped on the car. They all said their good mornings while they handed me some pastries from Tweek's coffee shop. The car was filled with the mother-watering scent of the buns.

"Hey, how about me?" Clyde fake cried. I giggled while Craig that was sitting beside him looked utterly disgusted. I sweetly pecked his cheek," How could I forget about you? Good morning."

"That's more like it." He lightly kissed me, earning more 'ews' from Craig. 

"Shut up Craig, you're so gay." Clyde shot back.

"And you aren't? Go get a room lovebirds." He rolled his eyes while he flipped us off. I laughed it off since these childish banters were nothing new to. Me and Tweek just got accustomed to our boyfriends fighting like kids.

Eventually, we reached school. I headed straight to my locker to get my things. History was my first period and I definitely didn't want to miss it, it was one of my favorite subjects. Someone caught my eye within the crowd when I passed through the hallways, I squinted my eyes and it turned out to be Butters! He was wearing his teal jumpsuit and usual hairstyle but he was bawling his eyes out like a kid in the store when he didn't get what he wanted. Sympathy welled up in me and I walked over to him, "Butters? What's wrong with you? Why are you crying?"

"Ken-ny he..he.." His lips quivered with every word he managed to get out. There was obviously something really wrong between him and Kenny. But, we couldn't possibly settle this right now, almost everyone was staring at us, and even some shooting me dirty looks like I was responsible. 

"Butters, I know you're feeling very upset right now but maybe we should go somewhere more private." We got us out of that place asap. I dragged him to the field outside campus. It was still early so there weren't any jocks practicing. The place was fairly serene.

"It's ok. Let it all out." Searching through all my pockets, I gave him a tissue packet from one of them. His eyes were all red and wet, snot was also dripping from his nostrils. His breath heaved up and down uncontrollably, I calmly instructed him to breathe and eventually he got hold of himself.

"Thanks, Kyle. For the tissues." He remained curled in a ball as he spoke. I gently patted on his back, trying to soothe him, "Hey, it''s nothing. Please take it easy. Do you feel better now?"

He nodded and finally he looked up to meet my eyes, "What happened? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yeah." He sniffled, "I found Kenny texting another guy...and it hurt like.."

The edges of his eyes welled up with tears and once again he dropped his head onto his knees weeping. On the other hand, I must've looked like I saw an alien or something, my jaw must've dropped to the ground. Kenny cheated on Butters?! 

"WHAT? WHO?" I couldn't believe what I happened, what happened to the Kenny that would ramble on and on about Butters during sleepovers? I still remember his tooth-rottingly affectionate tone whilst he pointed out every little detail that he found adorable on the blond. Didn't he say he wanted him so bad? What the actual fuck?

"I think it was someone from Middle Park..I don't know him.." He choked out. I knew right then and there that I had to confront the blond, I stood up," Don't worry, Butters. I'll figure this out. Come on, let's go."

I stomped angrily though the halls and caught almost everyone's attention, I mean why wouldn't I? My face was beet red and dragging a crying mess who was Butters with me. Rage fueled my blood stream as soon as I spotted that orange parka, I ran like I never could and slammed him harshly against the locker," How could you?!" Everyone gasped.

"What the fuck, Kyle? Butters? What's happening?" Initially he was startled and annoyed, then when he saw Butters he immediately looked distressed. I held his collar firm," How could you do this to Butters? Are you just an asshole? I expected more from you!" I screamed in his face./p>

Kenny looked both intimidated and confused, shooting his eyes back and forth," What? What did I do? And are you ok Butters? Why are you crying?"

"Kyle..let him go." Butters asked weakly, he couldn't bear seeing Kenny like that. I grunted and released my grip. I still wasn't happy.

"Look, there must be a misunderstanding here. Could we settle this during break please?" Kenny suggested, I looked at Butters and he seemed to agree. Wiping off some of the tears, I turned Kenny the cold shoulder before assisting Butters to the infirmary.

"You rest for awhile. I don't think you can study right now, I'll go meet up with you later ok?" I promised him before leaving him to the nurse. I still couldn't comprehend how Kenny could be so douchey, yeah he was kind of playful with everyone but I never thought he would be unfaithful! First it was Stan and now Kenny? Was I a fool to trust all my friends?

I couldn't concentrate for History because of all these thoughts running through my head. I questioned everything, my friends, my family and even myself. Eventually break rolled by and I took off to the infirmary. Butters was resting peacefully when I opened the door. We headed to the cafeteria and sat down the secluded bench where Kenny was sitting at.

"Explain yourself. Who were you texting?" My brows were knitted so tight that I thought I had a migraine. Kenny looked so small under my intense glare. He cleared up his throat before pleading his innocence,"It was one of the guys from Middle Park."

"What were you doing talking to the guy?" It was like I was a cop interrogating a suspect. Kenny sighed and hid his face into his large hood,"Kyle you fucking dick.. My back is almost all bruised up now and I look like a fucking douche to everyone.."

"What do you mean by that Ken?" Butters croaked out.

"I was going to plan a surprise for you...on your birthday.” 

“Huh?” Both of us shrieked almost comically. Kenny sighed and nodded, “I was going to ask the guy to get me that teal dress you wanted.”

“A dress?” I asked and raised my brow to Butters. He looked stunned at first then slowly his face morphed into an embarrassed grin.

“Shut up Kyle. My baby can wear whatever he wants.” Kenny hissed. Well, guess who’s in an awkward situation now. Me. 

“I swear I’m not cheating on you. I would never! I SWEAR BUTTERS!” Kenny amped up his voice and the whole canteen turned their heads at us. It really can’t get any worse than this.

“I was planning to buy it and give it to you at your house during midnight. So that your dad wouldn’t catch ground us, and also we could fuc-“

“Let’s stop talking about this.” Butters halted the topic, cupping his face to hide his crimson blush. “Sorry you had to hear this Kyle. Holy hamburgers, this is so embarrassing.”

“What? Don’t kink shame me.” Kenny shot back when I shifted my gaze at him.

“Ok, whatever.” It had all been a big misunderstanding and I made Kenny look like a total dickhead. Guess who’s the real dickhead now? Good job, Kyle.

“You owe me. Twice now after this." Kenny stuck his tongue out before happily leaving with his arm around Butters. I rolled my eyes, annoyed.

The misunderstanding between them made me rethink the encounter. Stan wasn’t in his right mind when he kissed me, not to invalid the wrongdoings but I felt like giving him another chance to redeem himself. We had been best friends for so long. I knew him from the inside out, and the Stan that day wasn’t the Stan I knew personally. More importantly, he wasn’t the Stan I fell in love with.

I took a deep breath and took out my phone. With every word I typed out, the courage in me was getting used up like an oil tank in a moving car. Anxiety makes you want to escape but you will never be able to control it if you don’t face it head on.

‘Ok. See you there.’

~.~

STAN

I would’ve never thought my request would ever get accepted nor would I have imagined me and Kyle would ever walk to Stark’s Pond together again. The awkward silence between us was painfully apparent, the sounds of our shoes dragging the floor has never been so loud before.

“So..how have you been?” Kyle cleared his throat as he tried to strike a conversation with me. It was quite surprising but I guess he was trying to warm things up between us since our last incident. I was eager to answer, “Well, I guess I’ve been doing better ever since Kenny gave me my wake up call. I’m grateful for him doing that.” 

“Haha, Kenny can be straight up brutal. I’m glad I sent him and not Cartman.” He giggled. I couldn’t hide my red face when I heard him laugh.His face was undeniably adorable and it sent my soul up in the air. 

“Well, Cartman would have never turned up to my house.” I pointed out as we continued hiking up the small hill. 

“I wanted to tell yo-” “We’re here!” Kyle excitedly ran to that wooden bench we would always sit at. The sun was hanging low at the horizon, spreading its golden colour evenly onto the peaceful lake. The smell of fresh grass intruded my nose, it had been a while since I got to smell that. 

After we placed our bags and sat down, we marveled at the view quietly. In my head, I was contemplating and rearranging my thoughts to form a coherent sentence. Unfortunately, all I could focus about was how flustered I was with Kyle beside me. God damn it Stan Marsh, now is not the time to get all mushy about someone that’s taken!

“So, what did you want to tell me?” He brought up. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel nervous.

“The reason I asked you to talk was because...I wanted to say I’m sorry for all the shitty things I’ve done to you for the past few weeks. I would never trade our friendship for a girl and I'm sorry I did. I respect your decision if you don’t want to hang out anymore. I don’t want to drag you down for my mistakes.” I paused for a short while before continuing, “Thank you for coming. I know it isn’t easy to...after what I did to you.” I lowered my head in shame, waiting anxiously for his reply. 

He stayed silent, just looking over the pebbles on the grass. I assumed he was still mad and my heart dropped to the bottom. Yeah, why would Kyle forgive me after all the horrible shit I've done to him? I was so naive. 

“Stan, do you remember the day we met?” I was going to make an excuse to leave before he finally spoke. I sighed in relief, “ Yeah, of course. Preschool, Mrs Linda’s class.”

“Yeah, and do you remember what I told you that day?” He turned and our eyes met. My face heated up again and I stuttered, “W-what did you tell me?”

“I told you that we would be best friends till we died.” His brows knitted together and tears were flooding out of those green eyes. I was startled by his sudden crying, “How could you just give up on us so easily? Do you see me as a person that would just give up because of the mistakes you made?”

“Wait Kyle, I didn’t mean it that way-” “Then what do you mean?” He gripped onto my sleeve, bawling tears of anger as he glared at me.

“I just...wanted to protect you because I..” My palms were raining with sweat. Fuck, what did I just do? How did I end up in a situation like this? If I had a penny for every time I got into a tricky situation, I would have been able to afford a sports car.

“What?” He clung onto my words, not willing to let it go until I answered.

“...I..I like you.” As unwilling as I was, I spit out the truth. I never anticipated the outcome after I said that, things would’ve been so much simpler if I had just lied.

“Dude, what did you just say?” He asked unbelievably, like he was expecting me to imply that it was a joke. I didn’t know what got into me. I held his head in both my hands, making direct eye contact with him. His body froze and all his movements stopped abruptly.

“Fuck, Kyle. I love you so much.” I leaned in closer, feeling his breath on my face. 

“Stan, I-” “Marsh? Kyle?” My head snapped to see who it was, and..

Holy shit, it was Clyde.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that~ As always kudos and comments are appreciated. Tell me how you like the story so far. Is there anything you would like to suggest? And also, are you excited for the new episode next week? Don’t be shy, I read every comment :) Anyways, byeeee and stay safe and hydrated <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Tune in for the next chapter, updates every Friday.


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